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Showing posts from June, 2014

Why do we stay in destructive relationships? All about unhealthy and bad relationships.

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Lynda Martens is the WabiSabiTherapist and a Mediate2go.com Blog Contributor. Please read her article about "unhealthy relationships" and "bad relationships". Also see our blogs on Moving on. I have a theory about this. In my work, I meet many lovely, smart people who describe themselves as being stuck in a relationship that is hurtful to them in some way.  This has never been a part of my own personal experience and, like many people, I have felt confused about what keeps people in a relationship that is destructive and clearly hurtful to them, and often their children as well. There are many reason why people stay when they are chronically unhappy.  Often there are practicalities involved.  Financial realities…not having the resources to support yourself…wanting to keep families together for the children…complacency… Sometimes people make threats about doing harm to themselves and others if the relationship ends…or we worry they won’t be okay without us. Often we ho…

Best Mediation Case Manager

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Mediate2go.comBest Mediation Case Manager: Save time, get clients!
When I first started my mediation practice, I asked myself: "Where can I find prepared contracts and forms for clients to sign during the mediation session?” “Should I avoid emailing clients given that email is not confidential?" "How do I track a client information and where do I store case notes?”, “How do I find clients” and "Is there a better way to manage my practice on the go, without carrying a large briefcase?"

When I entered my first mediation room with a mishmash of contracts and a notepad, I thought to myself, there must be a better way. We recently launched the Mediate2go.comcase management platform to help mediators save time and money while improving their reputation as competent and modern practitioners. Now, I can walk into a mediation room with my mobile phone or tablet, and have everything that I need at my fingertips. See what McGill University said about the Mediate2go.comca…

Definition of Trust

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No matter the relationship, it is important to know how trust works. Trust is considered the ‘glue’ that maintains relationships. On the one hand, trust is defined as being responsible for someone or something. On the other hand, it requires that having confidence in another person, without requiring evidence of the desired action.

When trust is not present, conflict takes on a destructive path, making the resolution of issues even more challenging.[i] Without trust, “bitter conflict...generates animosity and pain that is not easily forgotten; moreover, the parties no longer believe what the other says, nor believe that the other will follow through on commitments and proposed actions”.[ii] Trust also becomes important when analyzing a situation that might require action within an organization. Also, visit our other post about How to Rebuild Trust.
Trust is based on our psychosocial development, the interactions we have with others and in organizations.[iii] Here are the different level…

How to be Confident - Build an Emotional Air Conditioner

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Introduction - How to be Confident“Believe you can and you're halfway there.”
― Theodore Roosevelt One of my theories about people is that we spend a lot of time trying to avoid certain, specific, core, ouchy emotions (based on Steven Stosny’s ideas about ‘core hurts’) What is a core hurt?Sometimes we’ve spent so much time (usually when we were young) feeling unimportant, or powerless, or unloved, abandoned, rejected, worthless… that it’s like a huge bruise, and very small triggers (things people we’re close to say and do) can lead to an avalanche of this emotion that we have had enough of.  You know when you work out your body really hard, and the next day the cat walks on your legs and you scream in pain?  Like that… Or like Superman feels weak when he’s around only a tiny bit of kryptonite.  We feel overwhelmed by even a bit of this emotion that we can’t tolerate feeling (our personal kryptonite) and we panic, sometimes leading to controlling behaviours (avoiding the emotion) or…

Family Fights & Fighting Fair: How to Peacefully Resolve Conflict

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Lynda Martens is a therapist and Mediate2go.com Blog Contributor. Please read about how she recommends to deal with family fights, from a problem solving perspective. I have often thought of making this into a flow chart…think of it as such.  The process starts with the question… “Whose problem is this?”  at the top of the page.  If it is something that hasyou upset, it’s your problem.  If your partner is upset about something, it’s their problem, and if both of you are upset, then it’s shared.  The important part of starting with this question is that everything that happens after this…your role in the process…depends on whose problem it is.  Many problems are made worse when we forget this simple step and act as though the problem is ours when it’s not.
Step 1The person with the problem will need to determine thesizeof the problem, in order to determine whether it is something that needs discussing.  Try to put problems into a basket!!! Step 2: for the person without the problem:  If…

Peer Mediation in Schools

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Today, we are told that lawyers need to shift and expand their roles from warriors to conflict resolvers. In fact, conflict resolution skills are not only necessary for lawyers, but they are needed as part of our basic tool box as social human beings. Conflicts are part of our daily life, whether it be at work, in our families, our institutions, our social circles, or at school. So why not learn those skills from an early age? One interesting way to do this is through peer mediation programs in schools. Start your own peer mediation program with Mediate2go.com. It only takes minutes to get your customized directory page listed, and case management system in place. With a bit of training, you can help improve community and school relations with peer mediation.Programs for peer mediation in schools started appearing in the United States in the 1970s and are now quite widespread. In Canada, several programs exist as well by now. One notable example is the project by Institut Pacifique in …

Moving on - Letting go of the past

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Lynda Martens, WabiSabi Therapist is a Mediate2go.com Blog Contributor. Please read about how she recommends how to "move on". From the Mediate2go.com perspective, you might have been asked to attend mediation. This article is worth a read to help you gain perspective before the session. In addition, it might be useful after the session. We sometimes get stuck in angst or resentment about something painful that happened in the past.   It could be anything from an argument with a sibling or a betrayal of trust, to a lost love or the death of a loved one.  Fixating on the past keeps us from fully living in the present…and it doesn’t change the past. We also don't feel a sense of inner peace. Although you can’t change what happened, you can change the way you think about it and the amount of energy you devote to it.  You can learn to move forward. Here are a number of questions that might assist you in moving past whatever it is that happened…



Are you avoiding an emotion?  Some…