Top 10 Songs about Conflict - 2015

Top 10 Songs about Conflict - 2015

This blog is part of our series of top conflict songs. See the Top 10 Conflict Songs of 2014.

1. Hello - Adele

A song about reconciliation and when fights go bad.

A past conflict has resulted in a separation, but during this song she is trying to resolve this conflict. The fact that she has taken the first step in reconciling the relationship is admirable, however there are ulterior motives behind this reconnection, which could create extra conflict and avoidance down the line. When rebuilding a relationship, honesty is always the best policy. You can’t build an honest relationship out of lies (also see tips on coping with divorce).

2. Elastic Heart - Sia

A song about destructive relationships and moving on.

This song deals with a relationship that did not work, even though they may have tried mediation and other means to repair the relationship. However, no methods worked, and she feels destroyed by the experience. The truth is, you can try to repair a relationship or situation all you want, even partake in mediation, but sometimes it simply does not work. However, it is a method that often has positive results (benefits of mediation), so it is still worth partaking in the practice.

3. Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainor

This song is about being open to resolve conflict. 

In order to avoid any sort of conflict in her relationships resulting in separation or avoidance, she has created a set of conditions and rules, which she lays out in the song to any future lover. In theory, this may seem like an intelligent idea, however strict rules often lead to rebellion. Open discussion is always a wise option in terms of mediation, given that intense rules could lead to restricting yourself from opportunities (also see conflict resolution styles).

4. Love Yourself (Justin Bieber)

This song is about dealing with rejection and moving on.

This song involves a self-obsessed ex-partner that’s causing conflict simply for the attention of the singer. He is trying to avoid any sort of confrontation with this person, however in this song, he addresses it by completely dismissing and distancing himself from said conflict. This song reflects a realistic and aggregable option towards conflict, do not involve yourself.

5. Bloodstream - Ed Sheeran

This song is about internal conflict and empathy.

This song involves a man who has created conflict, resulting in people’s active avoidance. He has done this because of conflicts within himself, and this song is his realization of his mistake, too late for reconciliation. In cases such as these, you would need to keep in mind its never too late to attempt reconciliation, through mediation. If you were one of those whom avoided, it’s about being empathetic and compromising while your friend is going through a tough phase.

6. Suffer In Peace - Tyler Farr

This song is about avoidance.

This is about a man who has compromised to make somebody else happy, but he has simultaneously compromised himself by doing this. Avoidance is a dream for him, he is unhappy and looking back, wishes that he had done something different.  In this case, mediation or taking a step back could be a more realistic option. The point of compromise is to reach a midpoint that makes both parties happy, otherwise what is the point. Collaboration might be even better, where both parties are said to find a win-win solution.

7. Don’t Wanna Fight (Alabama Shakes)

This song is about finding resolution, taking into account all of your needs and interests.

The inspiration behind this song was about the bands earlier struggles, finding a balance between their full-time jobs and their band practices. This is a very real issue in the workplace, finding a balance between hobbies, having a good time and work. If there are issues, you shouldn’t be put out by approaching your employer/manager to discuss your feeling and options (also known as a form of negotiation). You also need to compromise within yourself, enjoying yourself but at the same time being realistic financially.

8. Ghost Town - Adam Lambert

This song is about change and trust.

This song is about the changes happening within society and especially Hollywood. He is trying to fight against the change but feels alone in the struggle. This conflict is not between two people, but between a person and society. Society will change inevitably. The options are either to avoid the situation altogether, remain conflicted or accept the change. Sometimes, trusting that the situation will change is the most difficult. Each of these options have their own advantages and disadvantages. Learn more about conflict escalation and resolution.

9. Secret Love Song (Little Mix)

This song is about honesty and compromise.

The song is about a relationship that is being kept a secret, due to it being looked down upon by society. This song has strong LGBTQIA links, as mentioned by Little Mix themselves. This song is a duet also starring Jason Derulo (in some versions), and as the song gets to the bridge, they are having an argument about whether to be honest or keep the relationship a secret (see our blog, Should I stay or should I go?). In a situation such as this, a compromise seems to have already been reached, with one of the parties unhappy with the arrangement. This song seems to be a crossroads between being open, and the situation turning to one of avoidance instead of romance. Also see our blog on cheating in relationships - advice on adultery, which also deals with secrets.

10. B**** Better Have My Money - Rhianna

This song is about confidence in conflict.

This may seem like an odd choice for some, but this song is the perfect example of somebody who does not compromise, apologize or avoid conflict. This woman believes she is correct and strong and refuses to be told different. This type of personality is not ideal for mediators; however, we have to deal with all personalities and you will run into people of this temperament. The trick is to make the outspoken party feel in control.

Ashton Bult, Mediate to Go Blogger

Ashton Bult is our media blogger, focusing on mediation and conflict resolution and its effects on modern pop culture and vice versa. Leaning towards youth engagement with mediation, he has studied a wide variety of courses at the Auckland University of Technology and the International Travel College. When he isn't on his computer, he'll be performing on stage. 

Top 10 Songs about Divorce - 2014

Top 10 Songs about Divorce - 2014

Also see our blog on the Top 10 songs about conflict – 2014.

Top 10 Songs about Divorce - 2014 - Find a mediator

1)     Justin Bieber - Where Are U Now

This song says a lot about divorce. The person who leaves the relationship often has days, weeks or months to prepare to leave the relationship. In this song, Justin Bieber talks about how he “gave [his ex] faith, turned [her] doubt into hoping.” This may be a normal reaction for a spouse who did not initiate the separation or divorce. While ‘the initiating’ partner has ample time to process the emotional pain of the end of the relationship, the remaining partner has yet to go through this difficult grieving process.

Couples should seek the help of a therapist, especially if they have children. They can also talk to their mediator about options, and whether they feel that they are ready to go through a family mediation process. Some people prefer the more amicable divorce process of alternative dispute resolution to more expensive family litigation processes.

2)     Ariana Grande - One Last Time

This song is about adultery and moving on. Sometimes relationships end due to adultery. The partner who committed adultery might seek forgiveness and another chance to fix the relationship, even if the other person has moved on (see letting go of the past). This song shows how someone might want to continue trying, even if it is only for the short term. This is part of the grieving process – denial. Even if you “take the person home” [get back together with your ex], you are likely to feel more pain. If you are in this situation, be careful to not stay in a destructive relationship.

3)     Andy Grammer - Honey, I'm Good.

This song is about loyalty, staying true to your partner and preventing divorce. Unfortunately, many relationships end due to infidelity – which is what the lyrics, in some ways, try to prevent. “Trying to stay true” translates to fidelity. If you have made a mistake, you can always learn how to fix a relationship – what to talk about or whether to choose divorce or family mediation.

4)     Meghan Trainor - Dear Future Husband

This song is about expectations and fighting fair in relationships. We might have idealistic views and impose our desires of our partner. If our expectations are not realistic, we may eventually seek divorce or separation. Why does divorce happen? Usually, it’s not about the smaller things, like not “buying groceries” or “seeing your family more than mine”. Couples often divorce because one partner has been resenting feeling lonely, or they have not succeeded in resolving conflict effectively (see the blog on why couples divorce).

The song also discusses the need to “Just apologize” “After every fight”. While Meghan Trainor asks for an apology even if she is wrong, it shows the importance of resolving conflict effectively in relationships and fighting fair. It’s important to avoid blame and the desire for revenge. The same goes for the divorce process - parties should seek mediation services to fight fair (Family Fights: How to Peacefully Resolve Conflict).

5)     B**** Better Have My Money (Rihanna)

The song is about conflict escalation and divorce settlements. It represents the nasty side of divorce when parties choose to go to court rather than to mediate (and use ADR). Rhianna takes an aggressive and exaggerated approach to getting her money. Even if the money is owed after a divorce, an aggressive approach is likely to backfire. We recommend that parties try mediation, because mediation offers various benefits that encourage parties to jointly resolve issues together, saving them time, money and frustration (see Benefits of Mediation).

6)     Florida Georgie Line – Sippin’ on Fire

This is another song about cheating. Florida Georgie Line speaks about the passion and desire of the human heart, and the unfortunate realities of people going “round the truth” – meaning: continuing an extra-marital relationship without deciding whether to stay in the relationship or to leave the relationship.  The song says “Every goodbye is bittersweet, So why should we fight what we both need?”

Often, individuals in relationships have sexual desires, but they do not feel at ease or know how to be honest and open with their partner. They avoid the confrontation and fail to seek the help of a marriage therapist to facilitate communicating their needs and working through their feelings. Instead, they continue the affair, which usually leads to divorce or a destructive relationship.

7)     Nick Jonas – Chains

This song is about being in a destructive relationship. Let’s face it, some marriages should never have started, let alone continue for years. This song is about being comfortable with discomfort, and staying in a relationship that keeps us in “chains”. If you are in a destructive relationship, read about it and seek help from someone who cares about you or a marriage therapist.

8)     Sia – Elastic Heart

This song is about moving on. No matter the challenge you face during divorce, you are resilient and can face any challenge with the right amount of support. Even if your partner leaves you, you are not broken. As Sia says, continue to “fight for peace”. This song encourages adaptability in times of change, extreme pain, and grief.

9)     Rachel Platten – Fight song

This song is all about gaining self-confidence after a difficult and destructive conflict. Rachel discusses a more adversarial approach to conflict “with power’s turned on”. Although the lyrics are positive in many ways, (“starting right now I’ll be strong”) a more aggressive approach to divorce might lead to further conflict escalation. This isn’t to say that confidence is a bad thing. We all need confidence, especially after divorce or separation. Use this song to motivate yourself to move on, but still try mediation services to ensure that everyone’s interests are met.

10)   Pharrel Williams - Happy

This song signifies the goals of alternative dispute resolution and amicable divorce –to help parties resolve their conflict, move on and feel happy again. Life is too short to dwell on the past. Happiness is to be felt by parents and children alike. If you are able to focus your energy on finding a new and effective way to communicate with your divorced partner, you are more likely to feel happy in your new life. In addition, your children will have an easier time adapting to this new familial reality. There are many benefits to mediation services, so what’s the harm of trying it out?

Cheating in Relationships - Advice on Adultery

Cheating in Relationships - Advice on Adultery

Adultery, infidelity, emotional adultery, affairs, cheaters, emotional infidelity or simply cheating in a relationship. In the words of Sam Smith, "I know I'm not the only one". What do you do about it? How do I resolve this conflict?

"Why do women cheat?" "Why do men cheat?"

Individually, our need for affirmation and attention, how we manage our boundaries, and how capable we are of being loyal to our partner are all relevant. Attention is powerful. We all want to feel wanted, and some people are more vulnerable than others to the advances of someone outside the marriage. Some individuals are better able to make decisions about healthy boundaries (and poor boundaries can lead to situations that are dangerous). And some people just aren't capable of having the empathy or loyalty needed to be true to a partner.

In the relationship, having unmet needs can be part of the picture. If we are lacking affection or connection, we can be more vulnerable to situations and personal urges.
 
Situations arise that are simply dangerous. Private conversations that seem harmless... working intimately with someone...having someone else make advances that we aren't prepared for...can all contribute to why an affair happened. I believe that the crazy "connected" world we live in has led to an increase in opportunities to create connections outside our relationships. (see my blog on how social media threatens marriages). 

I often meet people who either suspect their partner is cheating, or have discovered they are. Let's talk about how to manage those situations.

Signs of Infidelity  

Looking for emotional affair signs?  How to catch a cheater?

How Can I Tell? Be careful not to make assumptions. 

You can't know for certain, unless you have evidence. Most typically, affairs leave evidence; they do get discovered if you are paying attention. Gut instincts are often accurate, but there are also many reasons partners pull away or change.

Pay attention to your gut, and to your partner's behaviours, but only express what is REAL, and don't make accusations. So it's appropriate to say "I feel less connected to you lately", "It worries me that your phone is never around", "We're making love less and I don't know why", "You used to cuddle up against me at night and you've stopped."  Try to stick with what is really happening, and not make accusations based on fears alone. See where that goes. You might get important information about what they're experiencing or need. This can help you fix your relationship, without a fight going bad.

If there's been cheating in the past, it's okay to say "when you ___, I get scared that I'm not enough...that it will happen again".

What should I do if I my partner cheats?

Digging/snooping is both understandable and disrespectful.

If you truly believe your partner is cheating (if you've expressed concerns and in return get defensiveness, blame, or denial of a problem), then I wouldn't judge you if you did some digging, but in general...if you want to build trust with your partner... act in a trusting way.

I often have clients who rhyme off the fears they have and what supports their fears, then they say "Wait a minute...I truly don't believe this is happening." They want to be helped into a more trusting place. In this case, focus on the evidence that your partner is loyal, and stop snooping. It will feed your mistrust. In this case, don't spy on your spouse!

If you Discover an Affair.

If you discover your partner is cheating, clearly you both have some decisions to make about what you want. There are no rules; some people can't stay together after a small incident, and some couples can rebuild after a major breach of trust. Seeking a good therapist can help you sort out your reactions and needs, but no one can make this decision for you. 

If one person leaves before it's talked about, often the other person is left with unresolved emotions and unanswered questions. Again, a therapist can help you make sense of what's happened, even though you may not ever know the full truth. 

If you decide to leave, then read our blog about when to choose therapy and when to divorce, and then consult a mediator.

If you're staying together...know what you need and ask for it. 

Should I stay or Should I go? How will you move on?

• Ask. Many people in your position need information about the affair. You might ask yourself, why do men cheat, or why do women cheat? It depends on the person. You deserve to know why, and if the relationship is to be repaired, it's vital for all your questions to be answered. Remember, don't stay in a destructive relationship.
• Needs. You might need comfort and to be reminded that it's not your fault. It's easy to be angry, but expressing your vulnerable needs to someone who just hurt you isn't easy but it can help the healing process, if they can respond with care. Also, your partner isn't your only source of support. Spend time with people who love you. 
• Express Respectfully. You certainly will need to express all kinds of emotions, and your partner can be expected to hear and tolerate those emotions if they're expressed safely. Belittling, verbal abuse or relentless punishing won't help you rebuild trust and will cement resentment. Don't let conflict escalate, as it will just make things more complicated.
• Request Transparency. You will likely benefit from greater transparency. If you're not already, sharing email, phone and social media passwords is a strong gesture of openness that builds trust. 
• Don't Avoid. Affairs that aren't addressed quickly create cavities of despair and mistrust in the life of a marriage. Burying it in the sand and not addressing it is dangerous. If you have trouble talking about it, seeing a qualified therapist can help start the conversation.

"I cheated on my husband." "I cheated on my wife."

You need to be honest with yourself and your partner. Maybe it was impulse, or it happened over a long period. You might feel a great deal of guilt. Seek the help of a trained therapist to know what to do next. 

Cheating in Relationships - Mediate to Go

About the Author – Cheating in Relationships - Advice on Adultery

Lynda Martens is the Wabisabi Therapist and a contributor to the Mediateto Go Blog. Please read her other contributions by searching on this page for Lynda Martens.

Top 10 Songs about Conflict - 2014

Mediate2go Blogger, Ashton Bult, has compiled a list of the top 10 songs about conflict and songs about conflict resolution in 2014. Read his description and analysis of conflict and conflict resolution in relation to each song. What songs do you think are missing from this list? Be sure to leave a comment at the end of the blog with your opinion. Thanks for reading (and listening)! Also, be sure to check out the Mediate to Go Top 10 tips on how to resolve conflict and Songs about Conflict Management Styles.

1.    ‘Shake It Off’ by Taylor Swift

A song about conflict avoidance, managing anger and moving on.

‘Shake It Off’ was one of the top hits of 2014, and an anthem towards conflict. Rather than dealing with the conflict itself however, Taylor tells her listeners to ignore the haters, and just be you.

2.    ‘Black Widow’ by Iggy Azales

A song about destructive relationships and confrontation

‘Black Widow’ deals with a nasty relationship between the artist and her partner. She is choosing to attack her ex-partner for the way he treated her. Though this song may not be a positive solution towards conflict, it defiantly involves direct conflict. We recommend using constructive conflict.

3.    ‘Don’t’ by Ed Sheeran

A song about bad relationships

This song discusses a conflict of interests and values between a man and his lover. He believes that his lover, although not serious, is faithful to him. However, she knows that he isn’t interested, and chooses to bed multiple men. With two differing opinions on the same subject, the conflict is created through intercourse.

4.    ‘I’m Not The Only One’ by Sam Smith

A song about infidelity, self-leadership and avoidance.

This song deals with infidelity. This man is married to a woman who is with another man. He has approached her about the subject, but she brushes him off multiple times. He chooses to avoid conflict, and not make an issue of this serious subject.
 

 

5.    ‘Blame’ by Calvin Harris

A song about blame, trust and self-responsibility.

This song deals with a man who had an ex-lover over to his home, after which his girlfriend became jealous and leaves him. He is regretful and wants to apologize. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions however, he passes the blame to timing. He is refusing to admit he is part of this conflict.

6.    ‘Anaconda’ by Nicki Minaj

A song about boundaries, self-confidence and self-empowerment.

This song, and especially its music video, caused a storm of conflicts about its appropriateness and sexual imagery. Parents of children were horrified that the song itself and imagery could negatively affect their children, and it glorified sex. However, Nicki Minaj maintains that beneath the surface, the lyrics themselves convey a strong message.
To me personally, the lyrics represent personal boundries, self-confidence within conflict and self-empowerment.
(WARNING: Explicit video)

7.    ‘Rather Be’ by Clean Bandit

This song is about the benefits of conflict and conflict resolution.

This song deals with a couple searching life together, yet at the same time not caring as long as they have each other. This song talks about previous conflicts, and the aftermath and peace after it has been resolved. They have moved on, and are ready to be together forever. This shows how conflict can enrich relationships.

8.    ‘The Hanging Tree’ by Jennifer Lawrence

This song is about confrontation and destructive conflict.

‘The Hanging Tree’ was a featured song in the recent movie ‘Mockingjade’, sung by Jennifer Lawrence herself. Though the song does not have conflict specifically woven into the lyrics, the song represented a war between the factions and the Capitol. It also symbolizes the effects of direct conflict, how it can damage both parties.

9.    ‘Bang Bang’ by Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj

A song about multi-party conflicts and conflict dynamics.

‘Bang Bang’ deals with a three-way conflict between Jessie J, a desirable man and his high school sweetheart. Jessie J wants to steal the man away from his girlfriend, using her looks and bad girl personality as an incentive. If she achieves this, she will cause multiple conflicts between all parties involved.

10.    'All About That Bass' by Meghan Trainor

A song about confidence and self-leadership.

This song deals with conflict with oneself as well as misconception by the general public and media. This is an anthem to let go of these conflicts, and simply be comfortable with whom you are. Here are some ways to move on, take self-leadership and build your self-esteem to resolve conflict.

 

About the Blogger:

Ashton, Mediate2go Communications Blogger
Ashton Bult is a graduate of tourism studies, with a strong interest in media outreach. He spends his free time winning water polo games and reading several books a week. Ashton also acts, dances and choreographs in a Drama club in Auckland.