Stages of Conflict

Are you looking to learn more about the stages of conflict?

Introduction to Stages of Conflict

A great source to start to understand conflict, and specifically the stages of conflict, is the article by Louis R. Pondy, entitled Organizational Conflict: Concepts and Models (Administrative Science Quarterly, Vol. 12, No. 2 (Sep., 1967), pp. 296-320). Although the article is from the 1960s, the analysis is still applicable today, whether with respect to a conflict in the workplace, a separation or divorce or an international dispute. 

Be sure to see our blog on Levels of Conflict, which compliments the information here about stages of conflict.

Defining conflict

Conflict cannot be simply defined as some of the manifestations of conflict, like anger, stress or even behaviour such as hitting someone. Pondy suggests that conflict is best understood as a dynamic process made of a series of ‘conflict episodes’.

Pondy likens the definition of conflict to the definition of decision-making. In decision-making, the individual makes a commitment to a course of action gradually, often with multiple steps along the way. Conflict is no different, but takes place through “gradual escalation to a state of disorder”. He stated that the climax of decision-making is choice, and that the climax of conflict is open aggression. Fortunately, he notes that not every conflict leads to open aggression. This makes sense - think of all of the times that you have had disagreements with someone but they simple end with you saying “let’s agree to disagree”, or you noticed the conditions that could lead to a difficult conflict, and finally things “blow over” and lead to there being no conflict at all. For example, that time that someone took your place in line at the café, but then realized it, apologized, and went to the end of the line.

Stages of Conflict

1. Latent Conflict

There may be multiple forms of latent conflict that are present before a conflict episode. Latent conflict may include, for example,

• Competition for scarce resources (ie. there is only one job position being advertised but two of us are applying),
• Autonomy control (ie. my manager is micro-managing me and I need freedom, or for the Trekkie fans, “Resistence is futile”). Also see our blog on bad bosses and hostile environments.
• Goal divergence (ie. my colleague and I were put on a task group together, but we cannot reach a decision together)

2. Perceived Conflict

Conflict may exist with or without the perception of those involved. For example, there might be situations where people perceive conflict to exist, but after speaking, they realize that there was indeed no difference in opinions, and in fact, no conflict whatsoever. In this case, the stages of conflict do not proceed. This type of perception issue can be resolved through improved communication. See our blogs on Trust and Communication.

However, conflict may not be perceived or noticed when it actually exists. To become felt conflict, it must be perceived in some way. On the topic of hidden conflict, see our blogs on fearing conflict and conflict avoidance.

3. Felt Conflict

This stage of conflict is also known as the personalization of conflict, where conflict that is perceived, ends up having an impact on the person. The American recording artist Monica stated, “Don’t take it personal” - if someone were able to not take a situation personally, then it would mean that even if there were latent and perceived conflict, the conflict would not progress to the “Felt Conflict” stage. 

You may have felt this in your personal life, whereby you cognitively understand that there is a conflict between you and someone else, but you simply don’t care. In other words, long hair don't care; an expression which “emphasizes that the speaker isn't affected by what is meant as an insult but actually embraces the accusation”.

4. Manifest Conflict 

This stage is about conflict behaviours, which may be as overt as physical and verbal violence (see when fights goes bad), and as covert as sabotage, apathy or gossip. In order to understand if conflict has manifested, it is important to look at the context of the conflict. His article does however state that conflict is not manifested if one party is not aware that their behaviour frustrates the other person involved. This is where communicating with someone can make a difference in bringing that conflict to the surface, or by accessing the help of a mediator or conflict coach to assist you in addressing the conflict, when dealing with someone who is unaware of the impact of their behaviour, or if they are aware, but are unwilling to collaborate with you (see our blogs on Avoidance and Feeling uncomfortable? Set a Boundary). Although not mentioned in Pondy’s article, it might be useful to do a “perception check”, verifying whether or not your perception of the other person’s behaviour is based on an actual or mere perceived conflict.

5. Conflict Aftermath

If a conflict is resolved based on the interests and needs of all of those involved, then the parties may lay the foundation for a collaborative and healthy relationship (see our blog on when to choose therapy and when to divorce). However, if parties avoid issues, and the conflict is merely suppressed but not resolved, the latent conditions of conflict may be aggravated and explode in more serious form until they are rectified or until the relationship dissolves”. See our blogs on Conflict Escalation and Ending Blame and Defensiveness in Relationships. This reminds us that addressing conflict in a constructive way can lay the groundwork for healthy and happy relationships in the future.

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. 

Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Conclusion about the Stages of Conflict

The stages of conflict help us look at conflict differently. Conflict is not simply the behaviour that relates to our perceptions of conflict. Conflict involves the context, situation or as we call it here, the conditions that lead to conflict. Conflict then needs to be perceived, and depending on whether we feel impacted by it or not, it then must be felt. Finally, when we are aware that we are impacting the other person, but we continue to act in the same way, there is manifest conflict. The same applies for when someone else is the one perceiving, feeling or acting. The key take-away is that we have a great deal of choice in how we prevent conflict, both before, during and after the conflict, based on the groundwork we lay. There are many stages at which we may intervene in a situation, or change our own reactions in a situation (see our blog on how to be confident - building an emotional air conditioner), to impact whether a conflict goes bad (when fightsgo bad) or whether it is resolved effectively (see top 10 tips to resolve conflict).

Build an Internal Conflict Resolution System - Workplace Conflict

Build an Internal Conflict Resolution System - Workplace Conflict

The principles to create an effective conflict resolution system for your business or organization.

Mediate2go.com, Build an effective conflict resolution strategy for your business or organization!

Benefits of Conflict Resolution at Work

Here are some other benefits of conflict resolution, if conflict is effectively addressed in organizations. Also, see our blog about how conflict is good for business.

• Beyond issues of disputants, mediation services and conflict coaching can impact teams and the organization overall to help them achieve strategic goals, and ensure that goals can be realistically obtained
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can increase creativity, improve performance, collaboration (in relationships and inter-departmentally), heal and restore relationships, manage power imbalances, etc.
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can reintegrate employees and managers into workplace/team while litigation may cause too much damage
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can garner commitment to behaviour change and facilitate systemic changes
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can prevent litigation costs (including counterclaims) and associated harms (financial, emotional)

Also, be sure to see our blog on how conflict can be used to decrease business risk and promote growth within an organization. 

How to develop a conflict resolution system

So, what can you do to transform conflict into a good thing in your company or organization? Set up an internal conflict resolution system for your organization or business. Here are some tasks and/or principles to keep in mind when developing a system.

Mediate2go.com, Build an effective conflict resolution system for your business or organization!

Top 10 tips to build a conflict resolution system

1. Customization. Customize the system based on organizational and ‘people’ needs.
2. Self-responsibility. Everyone must take responsibility for their own behaviour and needs. If you have a problem, address it, do not avoid it, unless you believe you can let it go or it will help you resolve the issue in the long run. If something was said that bothered you, find out how to address it effectively. Read about having a constructive confrontation (or discussion) and how to take self-leadership and self-responsibility in conflict resolution.
3. Leadership Support. Management, HR, and Unions must encourage and support conflict resolution training and encouragement managers and employees to manage conflict in a mutually respectful way. This includes the provision of resources, human, special and financial, in order to ensure that conflict resolution is easy to access for all within the organization. Without leadership support, conflict is likely to escalate and become destructive and hard to fix (how to fix a relationship)
4. Build Team Cohesion and Trust. Ensure that you encourage all employees and managers to build personal relationships, and integrate this into a weekly agenda of activities. When things do become challenging, individuals will be more likely to have enough Trust to manage these challenges effectively. Trust will also be essential when planning, designing and delivering a program. See our blog on the Definition of Trust and Building Trust.
5. Participation: Ask for the participation of all stakeholders prior to the development of a plan for the organization.
6. Problem Solving. Encourage interdisciplinary and interdepartmental problem solving (levels of conflict). If employees and managers are given the opportunity to share concerns and brainstorm on how to resolve conflicts, the organization is more likely to gather critical data to prevent issues from hurting the organization overall. See our blog on the levels of conflict within an organization.
7. Listening and Feedback Training. Encourage active listening and how to give and receive feedback. If employees and managers are able to effectively listen to one another, they will be empowered to self-resolve many of their issues, often without the help of management and HR. This means more time spent on critical issues. Never underestimate the power of active listening.
8. Meta-communication. Make it part of your weekly routine to talk about how you communicate, how to improve interpersonal relationships, and how to address potential conflict situations (Top 10 Tips on How to Resolve Conflict).
9. Self-resolve Conflicts. In addition to training on interpersonal communication, employees and managers must be given the skills to deal with conflict before it becomes an issue. It might entail other types of training or services, such as those related to stress reduction, whereby these might improve one’s ability to better address personal issues that might lead to conflict. It might also encourage activities such as meditation and yoga in the workplace, to help people feel centered and capable of addressing issues in a healthy way. This is also covered in our blog on self-responsibility, managing anger and our self-resolution tool.
10. Change Agent. Find a mediator, conflict coach and project manager to design, build and implement your conflict resolution system. Be sure to find a mediator with years of experience in workplace conflict resolution to assist in this process. We’ve discussed some of the essential tasks and principles to keep in mind when setting up an internal conflict resolution system. However, they will be able to do a needs assessment to determine the needs of the organization, and recommend how these may be achieved. 

In summary, conflict can be used as a positive force of change in your company or organization if it is addressed effectively. Leave your recommendations and questions on the blog in the comments section below. Also, try using our web app to set up your own system. 

Conflict Escalation - Easy steps to manage and resolve your conflicts.

Conflict Escalation - Easy steps to manage and resolve your conflicts.

Mediate to Go: Conflict can escalate easily if we don't address it appropriately.

Blog on Conflict Escalation

This blog is about the conflict process model by Morton Deutsch. His work, also known to some as the conflict escalation model or used as a conflict diagnostic model, can help parties learn more about the conflict escalation process and what one can do to increase the likelihood of effective conflict resolution and conflict management. 

Introduction to Conflict Escalation

In order to effectively manage conflict , one must better understand the dynamics of conflict escalation. Conflict can be a normal and healthy part of any relationship.  Workplace conflict, if managed effectively, can be good for business.  Differences in perceptions can improve problem-solving and increase innovation. Personal conflicts, such as conflict in the family, can help people determine their values and ask for what they need. In order for conflict to be a positive thing, one must manage the process of conflict so that it does not lead to conflict escalation.

What is conflict escalation?

Morton Deutsch, a pivotal leader in the field of conflict resolution, psychology and education described conflict escalation in detail. In his view, conflict at times may become destructive,  ”by a tendency to expand and escalate”. Conflict escalation is a negative process of conflict.

Deutsch stated,

The tendency to escalate conflict results from the conjunction of three interrelated processes:

1.     Competitive processes involved in the attempt to win the conflict;

2.     Processes of misperception and biased perception; and

3.     Processes of commitment arising out of the pressures for cognitive and social consistency. These processes give rise to a mutually reinforcing cycle of relations that generate actions and reactions that intensify the conflict. (direct quote, p. 352)

Limiting conflict escalation?

Other processes may have the effect of limiting conflict escalation. However, if they are weak, conflict may escalate. Other processes that might lead to conflict escalation if they are weak include:

4.     The number and strength of the existing cooperatives bonds;

5.     Cross cutting identifications;

6.     Common allegiances and memberships among the conflicting parties;

7.     The existence of values, institutions, procedures, and groups that are organized to help limit and regulate conflict; and

8.     The salience and significance of the costs of intensifying conflict. (direct quote, p. 352)

Unfortunately, ”Even if [these] are strong, misjudgment and the pressures arising out of tendencies to be rigidly self-consistent may make it difficult to keep a competitive conflict encapsulated.” (p.352) In sum, limiting conflict escalation requires a great deal of effort for mediators, conflict coaches, and parties facing conflict. One basic way of stopping conflict escalation is through ending blame and defensiveness.

Process of Conflict

Destructive process of conflict

Conflict, if not managed effectively, leads to a process of conflict that is destructive. Some destructive conflict is also characteristic in destructive relationships and revenge. Deutsch stated the following characteristics of the processes of conflict when it becomes destructive,

• The initial cause of the conflict is forgotten or becomes irrelevant;
• The issues expand in size and number;
• More people become involved in the conflict;
• The precedents and principles which appear to be bad issue increase;
• Parties are willing to absorb a higher cost;
• Negative attitudes towards the other side are intensified;
• Parties rely more on power, and “upon the tactics of threats, coercion, and deception”. (direct quote, p. 352-3)

Constructive process of conflict

An ideal process of conflict resolution involves the use of ”Persuasion and from the tactics of conciliation, minimization of differences, and enhancement of mutual understanding and goodwill.” (p.352) These there just a few ways to move constructive conflicts from escalation to resolution.

For Deutsch and others in the field of conflict resolution, constructive processes of conflict resolution we’re based on three key features; creative thinking, cooperative problem-solving, benevolent misperception and cooperative commitment. (p. 360-365)

Creative thinking

“[O]ne of the creative functions of conflict resides in its ability to arouse motivation to solve a problem that might otherwise go unattended.” (p. 361) In order to facilitate creative reactions to problems requires that people do not feel in anyway threatened and they are tolerant of ambiguity and open the unknown. (361) 

In order to increase the possibility of a constructive process of conflict resolution, we must create a safe space and help ourselves and others feel motivated to address the conflict. Mediators and conflict coaches must constantly ensure that parties feel safe and comfortable, as a means of improving creative outcomes to a conflict – hence,  a major benefit of using mediation services.

Cooperative problem-solving

“In a cooperative context, the conflict can be viewed as a common problem in which the conflicting parties have the joint interest of reaching a mutually satisfactory solution.” (p. 363-4) Cooperation has many positive impacts that can lead to a more constructive process of conflict resolution. Deutsche found the following:

·      Open communication is facilitated between the parties which increases the exchange of information, helping parties address the real issues of the conflict;

·      Each side is recognized as having legitimate interests and the need to find a solution that addresses these;

·      Trust and friendliness improves, which helps parties be sensitive to their similarities and shared concerns and downplays their differences. (p. 363-4)

Benevolent misperception

“Cooperation tends to minimize differences and enhances the perception of the others' benevolence.” This means, if parties are overall more cooperative, they’re more likely to see the other person as having good intentions. Deutsche also mentioned some shortcomings of this, if parties do not address all of their issues.  However, benevolent misperception can increase the likelihood of cooperative conflict resolution. As a result, we recommend facilitating a cooperative environment, be it in a professional or personal context.

Cooperative commitment

For better in some cases, ”[p]ast investments, already established facilities, procedures and institutions, Obligations to third parties, and situational pressures may operate to bind one to a cooperative relationship.” (p. 364) This means that ”[t]he bonds of a cooperative relationship maybe cemented in loyalty, obligation, conformity, guilt, or convenience as well as in personal attachment and personal gain.” (p. 365)

The question then becomes, does the end justify the means? It seems that more adversarial forms of negotiation (see also negotiation tactics) would tend to use some of these means to encourage the resolution of the conflict. However, if parties are not fully motivated to abide by the resolution, or their feelings of loyalty, attachment, guilt or notions of personal gain change, the resolution might be at risk. As conflict resolution experts, we recommend that parties do their best to address the root of the issues at hand to prevent social conflict escalation and a stalemate.

Conflict management and conflict resolution

Taking self-leadership in conflict situations also means learning about conflict escalation and how to reduce the likelihood of fights going bad - destructive conflict. 

Mediate2go: Don't escalate conflict - be a self-leader

You might ask yourself, what is destructive conflict at home or what is destructive conflict at work, and how can it be resolved?

To effectively manage or resolve a conflict, one must do their best to prevent the conflict from escalating. The conflict escalation process can decrease the likelihood of parties finding a means of collaborating and resolving their shared issues together. In some ways, addressing the stages of a conflict through addressing the conflict escalation process is a way to resolve conflict in itself.

What does this mean for you? You need to know how to manage conflicts at work? How to address the conflict within your family?  Here are some recommendations;

• Create a supportive and safe environment, so that people do not feel threatened;
• Encourage a cooperative environment through the use of activities to build trust and positive relationships;
• Even if you disagree with the other person, recognize that they have legitimate interests and concerns;
• Build relationships with an authentic intent to treat others with respect and dignity. Be open and honest with your needs and concerns, and help them feel comfortable to do the same with you;
• Read about taking self-leadership in conflictsituations, how to fix a relationship, fight fair, active listening and how to build and maintain trust.

Deutsch, M. 1973. Conflicts: Productive and destructive. In Conflict resolution through communication, edited by F. E. Jandt. New York: Harper & Row. 

Some links on conflict escalation:

Wikipedia

Beyond Intractability

U of Oregon

Keywords: Conflict de escalation, de escalating conflict, it escalation process,

Negotiation Strategies and Tactics

Negotiation happens all the time, and often we are not even aware of it.  Sometimes, particularly when something is important to you, negotiation or even expressing your position can be a monstrously stressful task.  Whether at work or in your personal life, it can feel daunting or intimidating to have to approach the “other side”, whatever that may be.  Alternately, negotiation may not phase you in the least, though you may still wish to improve your efficiency in reaching an agreement.  Remember that many conflicts involve two or more viewpoints that could at least potentially reach an agreement.  It tends to be in both disputants' best long-term interests to settle before litigation, just as much as it is in the interests of co-contractors to effectively understand and agree with each others’ position before signing the deal.  I offer the following general suggestions to consider whenever you enter into a negotiation. 

1. Negotiation: First Things First

It is a good idea to reflect on and internalize any elements of the outcome that you absolutely must achieve. By this I mean the be-all-and-end-all, an absolutely essential component that must be part of any end agreement. Examples might be a hard budget, a deadline, or the involvement or actions of a specific person. Especially in cases where you represent more than one person’s interests in negotiations, it is best to get a firm grasp of what absolutely must be present to reach an agreement. Be careful not to underestimate the amount of time or critical reflection it may take to pinpoint these so-called “first things”. It is possible that your particular negotiation does not truthfully have any imperatives!  If that is the case, be prepared to recognize that, and be thankful that you will have even more leeway to reach a mutually beneficial arrangement.

I find that crucially important issues are best dealt with up front. Time, energy, and frustrating can be saved by fully disclosing your requirements to the other parties. This will affect how others can respond to you, and prevents unexpected surprise. Rare is the case where obscuring a crucial issue for disclosure at a later period works out favorably, and that type of strategy can easily lead to accusations of deception. 

Do not be afraid to clearly articulate what the “needs” of your position are. Introduce them early, and reiterate as necessary. Not forcefully, but tactfully and with the expectation that if one side cannot have its elementary needs met, there cannot be a mutually acceptable outcome. 

        

          2. Negotiation: Know Your Goals and Your Limits

The next and possibly most important skill is recognizing the hazier area between the "absolute-must-haves" and the "desirable but not indispensable". For this skill, I invite you to think about what you (or your client) would ideally like to achieve through the negotiation process. These are elements of any agreement or settlement that you could probably do without, or else they would be addressed in the "First Things First" category above. In most situations, there is a range of acceptable outcomes on a spectrum between your most desired outcome, and your least desired (but still tolerable) outcome. Giving yourself this spectrum to play with, and thinking about it in advance, will give you more peace of mind and a greater sense of where things stand when you converse with the other parties.  

There is obviously a close relationship between the ideal goals and the "imperatives" we talked about in step one.  The time to hash out which elements apply where, in your particular case, is before you start making offers or stating your position. Canvassing the possible outcomes of each element in dispute, as well as how desirable they are, is important when negotiating for yourself but even more important when acting on behalf of others. Negotiating for someone else carries even more responsibility, so it is best to be as prepared as possible.

Be aware that we often have knee-jerk reactions when we set limits or goals. Sometimes a few days of reflection, or even a few minutes, can cause us to realize that what we once thought was an absolute is actually subject to possible changes. Being able to keep these instinctive reactions in check is a good skill for any negotiator.

An excellent tool to practice this step is something at which most of us are already adept: "What-if?", and other hypothetical questions, like "What could..." or "What would...". 

Here are a few examples:

• What if they refuse to pay the target price?
• What if he can't meet until next week?
• What would I ask for in return if they need more from me?
• What if they spring something on me?
• What if they will not budge on issue X or Y?

         3. Negotiation: Know Your Audience

This is also a crucial step, and some preparatory work in this regard will often be useful when you enter into discussions. There are two pieces of this skill. The first is to try to understand the other parties' background. Chances are, you know some general information about who they are, and perhaps about the types of restraints they may have. Try to consider, in advance, what the other parties' answers to steps 1 and 2 above would be! It is rare that you will have access to all of the information or perspective that belongs to the other side, but thinking this way may help approximate it. 

The second piece is to consider how others might react to your position. Again, this is informed by steps 1 and 2. Think about what it would mean for the other person if you got exactly what you are asking for - both in terms of your essential needs and your ideal goals. Really think about this, as it can help you narrow down the range of acceptable outcomes you have settled on in step 2.  

In both of these parts, take caution not to draw too many assumptions.  Avoid straw-manning the others' positions, and try to uncover which issues you think will be "non-negotiable", that is, the other side's First Things. 

         4. Attune to the Negotiation Environment

No two negotiations are the same, and how you phrase your discussions may depend on variable factors. Remember that you may be negotiating whether face-to-face, in a mediation or settlement conference, or even writing an email. There is no catch-all way to present yourself that will work in every scenario. However, if you have gone through the above steps, it will be easier to gauge the appropriate tone or techniques.

If negotiating with sophisticated parties, you may feel as though you are at a relative disadvantage. In such cases, be sure to vocalize your needs so that you are understood. Your potential landlord may have a standard way things are done, but if it will not work for you there is little point pretending it will. It is possible that you or your client may feel pressured, sometimes exceedingly so. In many scenarios, including face-to-face negotiations, it is perfectly acceptable to make your feelings known. Saying "I'm feeling a lot of pressure right now and I think I will need [a few minutes or days, to speak with my partner] before we continue" can be helpful. No, perhaps not in time-sensitive situations - but recognize that many deadlines we set for ourselves are themselves negotiable. If delaying the closing date by a few days is necessary to make sure both sides feel satisfied with the arrangement, where is the issue?  Likewise, pausing an ongoing mediation for a month does not mean the sessions have failed. 

On the other hand, if it feels like you are more in control of things, remember that the other parties may be the ones feeling pressured or confused. It is good practice in these situations to remain calm and candid. Make the extra effort to try to understand the others' needs and desires so that any arrangement reached is well-understood and clear. Aside from helping to make the whole process more amicable, this strategy can help preserve an ongoing relationship with the other party, and may help guard against any future claims that the discussions were unfair.

Author

Dan Lawlor is a Mediate2go Blogger focused on estates and commercial dispute resolution. Dan is a graduate of McGill University's Faculty of Law with interests in conflict resolution, business law and writing. He played an important role as a director with Mediation at McGill, building connections with the community to improve outreach. Currently he is a student-at-law with Campbell Mihailovich Uggenti LLP in Hamilton, Ontario. Dan loves team sports, reading, and traveling.

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Negotiation Strategies and Tactics