Conflict Resolution -Top 8 tips to resolve conflict

Conflict Resolution -Top 8 tips to resolve conflict

Conflict Resolution -Top 10 tips to resolve conflict from Mediate to Go

Introduction to Conflict Resolution

Man must evolve for all human conflict, a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Definition of Conflict

What is conflict? Conflict means “discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles”, and an “incompatibility or interference, as of one idea, desire, event, or activity with another”  (Dictionary.com). Other words for conflict include collision and opposition. Conflict often leads to a great deal of pain, leaving people wanting inner peace.

Areas and levels of conflict

Conflict can take place in interpersonal relationships within the family and in the outside world, and at various other levels, including intrapersonal conflict (conflict within the self), departmental, organizational, community-based, regional-based, national and international conflicts.

Often, conflicts take place at varying levels at the same time. For example, you might have a conflict at work with a colleague, but at the same time, the organization, by failing to address the issue right away, creates a conflict between yourself and the organization. Here are some examples of levels of conflict in an organizational setting.

Conflict Escalation

The most challenging part of conflict relates to conflict escalation. Typically, conflict escalates between parties so that issues become bigger than necessary, parties become increasingly angry with one another, they focus on blaming each other and issues become increasingly complex and difficult to resolve. Even if parties want to fix the relationship, it becomes increasingly difficult.

Ways to address conflict. Formal vs. Informal (alternative dispute resolution)

In many areas of life, the traditional way of resolving an issue was to fight in court. Whether its divorce or a workplace dispute, parties would file a complaint or an action in court to address the issue. This type of approach, including labour arbitration, is adversarial, rights based and more formal. Parties ask a third party to make a decision, often leading to a win-lose situation. Read about the differences between mediation and arbitration. On the other hand, conflict resolution is now more about alternative dispute resolution, this means issues are addressed outside of formalized processes. Parties try to fix their relationship and resolve issues in a non-adversarial way, and only resort to a formal approach if the informal is unsuccessful.

Top 10 tips to resolve conflict

1. Don’t avoid the conflict. You might fear conflict and confrontation due to a fear of being rejected. Conflict can be positive for you, your relationships and your organization. Conflict can actually be good for business, leading to innovation. The key is to build your confidence to address the issue. Know that everything will work out.
2. Manage your anger. Take some time to breath, relax and reflect, if you feel you might explode. Ideally, you bring up your feelings immediately in the situation, if you feel safe. However, there is nothing wrong with finding the right time to discuss an issue. This can reduce the likelihood of escalation.
3. Reflect, don’t blame. We have the tendency to blame others. If you try hard, you can put yourself in the other’s shoes. What might they have felt in the situation? How would it have felt for them. It’s uncomfortable, but put time and effort into this.
4. Don’t stay if it’s a destructive relationship. Is the conflict reoccurring? Think about whether the conflict is destructive. Sometimes we stay in destructive relationships, but no matter the resolution, it will be short lived without addressing the deeper issues. If you can’t decide if you should divorce or not, read about how to choose between mediation and therapy.
5. Learn about negotiation and how to negotiate. Often, conflict resolution requires people to negotiate to ask what they are looking for.
6. Confront the person in a respectful way. We call this a constructive confrontation, where we prepare to discuss our concerns with someone in a respectful way, focusing on our feelings, not blaming the other.
7. Take leadership in the situation. Become a self-leader in conflict resolution. To be a self-leader, you need to be powerful. Follow our LEADER acronym to address issues effectively to resolve conflicts in your life.
8. Learn about conflict resolution and how to fix a relationship. Listen to our Top 10 songs about conflict to learn about typical types of conflict, and ways that people typically resolve issues.

What is Conflict? Don't let fights go bad.

What is conflict? Don’t let fights go bad.

Conflict may be defined as an incompatibility of values, beliefs, interests and/or positions.[i] But are conflicts truly caused by an incompatibility, or simply a perception thereof? What is conflict? Can conflict be a good thing?

When you think of the word conflict, what do you feel? Stress, worry, discomfort…? If you have experienced destructive conflict, these strong emotions are understandable. As mediators, we prefer to see conflict as an opportunity for positive change, whether it is personal, relational, organizational, or societal in nature. We believe that conflict is a normal and healthy part of our lives in relationships, families, workplaces and communities. Conflict may present itself due to real or perceived incompatibilities between those involved, but conflict needn’t be destructive. So, we must ask ourselves, what makes one type of conflict destructive and the other constructive?

One of the founding researchers in conflict resolution, Morton Duetsch, suggested that conflict itself is not negative or positive. Rather, we as individuals, determine how conflict takes shape, be is positive or negative, constructive or destructive.[ii]

Destructive Conflict:

When a “fight goes bad”, these primary characteristics, are often present due to competitive and ridged behaviours of those involved:

• Escalation: conflict escalates and goes “out of control” in a given dispute,
• Retaliation: the reasons for the conflict are forgotten, and the parties aim to hurt or retaliate against one another,
• Outcome-focused: opportunities for mutual gain are forgotten, as is the potential for mutual gain,
• Negative Spiral: the negative outcome of one conflict situation often carries to future interactions, leading to negative conflict spiraling,

Constructive Conflict:

We encourage our clients to remember the benefits of particular behaviours to increase the chances of constructive conflict resolution. These behaviours are adaptive, based on the people involved, the context and the substantive issues at play. The first two points are attributed to Deutsch, cited above, and the last three are attributed to Mary Parker Follett, another pivotal scholar in the field of dispute resolution. Here are some characteristics of constructive conflict.

• Process-focused: strong focus on the process of conflict resolution, not only the goal of arriving to a conclusion,
• Mutual Gain: aim to balance the interests and needs of all parties involved, and to increase the chances of mutual gain,
• Improved Relationships: realizing that by dealing with our differences, we improve the depth of our relationship(s),[iii]
• Shared Power: when we share power with others and the organization with which we work, we are more capable of collaborating,[iv]
• Increased Power: Individuals should be empowered as a group to increase conflict resolution,[v]

In conclusion, conflict is a potential or actual incompatibility between two or more parties. In order to prevent a conflict from becoming destructive, we recommend that you do not think that a fight goes bad per se. Rather, the behaviour that we choose, contributes to a more destructive or constructive conflict cycle. This reminds us that that we have the power to help turn a potentially negative conflict situation into something positive. Next, we recommend focusing on the process of resolving conflict, the benefits of mutually gain, striving to improve the relationship and lastly, increasing shared power to improve the likelihood of constructive conflict resolution. Through focusing on constructive conflict, we are more likely to realize that these perceived incompatibilities are simply that, perceived, and that a mutually beneficial outcome is possible.

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[i] See generally http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/conflict.
[ii] Deutsch, M. 1973. Conflicts: Productive and destructive. In Conflict resolution through communication, edited by F. E. Jandt. New York: Harper & Row.
[iii] See generally Mary Parker Follett
[iv] Ibid.
[v] Ibid.