Top 10 Songs about Divorce - 2014

Top 10 Songs about Divorce - 2014

Also see our blog on the Top 10 songs about conflict – 2014.

Top 10 Songs about Divorce - 2014 - Find a mediator

1)     Justin Bieber - Where Are U Now

This song says a lot about divorce. The person who leaves the relationship often has days, weeks or months to prepare to leave the relationship. In this song, Justin Bieber talks about how he “gave [his ex] faith, turned [her] doubt into hoping.” This may be a normal reaction for a spouse who did not initiate the separation or divorce. While ‘the initiating’ partner has ample time to process the emotional pain of the end of the relationship, the remaining partner has yet to go through this difficult grieving process.

Couples should seek the help of a therapist, especially if they have children. They can also talk to their mediator about options, and whether they feel that they are ready to go through a family mediation process. Some people prefer the more amicable divorce process of alternative dispute resolution to more expensive family litigation processes.

2)     Ariana Grande - One Last Time

This song is about adultery and moving on. Sometimes relationships end due to adultery. The partner who committed adultery might seek forgiveness and another chance to fix the relationship, even if the other person has moved on (see letting go of the past). This song shows how someone might want to continue trying, even if it is only for the short term. This is part of the grieving process – denial. Even if you “take the person home” [get back together with your ex], you are likely to feel more pain. If you are in this situation, be careful to not stay in a destructive relationship.

3)     Andy Grammer - Honey, I'm Good.

This song is about loyalty, staying true to your partner and preventing divorce. Unfortunately, many relationships end due to infidelity – which is what the lyrics, in some ways, try to prevent. “Trying to stay true” translates to fidelity. If you have made a mistake, you can always learn how to fix a relationship – what to talk about or whether to choose divorce or family mediation.

4)     Meghan Trainor - Dear Future Husband

This song is about expectations and fighting fair in relationships. We might have idealistic views and impose our desires of our partner. If our expectations are not realistic, we may eventually seek divorce or separation. Why does divorce happen? Usually, it’s not about the smaller things, like not “buying groceries” or “seeing your family more than mine”. Couples often divorce because one partner has been resenting feeling lonely, or they have not succeeded in resolving conflict effectively (see the blog on why couples divorce).

The song also discusses the need to “Just apologize” “After every fight”. While Meghan Trainor asks for an apology even if she is wrong, it shows the importance of resolving conflict effectively in relationships and fighting fair. It’s important to avoid blame and the desire for revenge. The same goes for the divorce process - parties should seek mediation services to fight fair (Family Fights: How to Peacefully Resolve Conflict).

5)     B**** Better Have My Money (Rihanna)

The song is about conflict escalation and divorce settlements. It represents the nasty side of divorce when parties choose to go to court rather than to mediate (and use ADR). Rhianna takes an aggressive and exaggerated approach to getting her money. Even if the money is owed after a divorce, an aggressive approach is likely to backfire. We recommend that parties try mediation, because mediation offers various benefits that encourage parties to jointly resolve issues together, saving them time, money and frustration (see Benefits of Mediation).

6)     Florida Georgie Line – Sippin’ on Fire

This is another song about cheating. Florida Georgie Line speaks about the passion and desire of the human heart, and the unfortunate realities of people going “round the truth” – meaning: continuing an extra-marital relationship without deciding whether to stay in the relationship or to leave the relationship.  The song says “Every goodbye is bittersweet, So why should we fight what we both need?”

Often, individuals in relationships have sexual desires, but they do not feel at ease or know how to be honest and open with their partner. They avoid the confrontation and fail to seek the help of a marriage therapist to facilitate communicating their needs and working through their feelings. Instead, they continue the affair, which usually leads to divorce or a destructive relationship.

7)     Nick Jonas – Chains

This song is about being in a destructive relationship. Let’s face it, some marriages should never have started, let alone continue for years. This song is about being comfortable with discomfort, and staying in a relationship that keeps us in “chains”. If you are in a destructive relationship, read about it and seek help from someone who cares about you or a marriage therapist.

8)     Sia – Elastic Heart

This song is about moving on. No matter the challenge you face during divorce, you are resilient and can face any challenge with the right amount of support. Even if your partner leaves you, you are not broken. As Sia says, continue to “fight for peace”. This song encourages adaptability in times of change, extreme pain, and grief.

9)     Rachel Platten – Fight song

This song is all about gaining self-confidence after a difficult and destructive conflict. Rachel discusses a more adversarial approach to conflict “with power’s turned on”. Although the lyrics are positive in many ways, (“starting right now I’ll be strong”) a more aggressive approach to divorce might lead to further conflict escalation. This isn’t to say that confidence is a bad thing. We all need confidence, especially after divorce or separation. Use this song to motivate yourself to move on, but still try mediation services to ensure that everyone’s interests are met.

10)   Pharrel Williams - Happy

This song signifies the goals of alternative dispute resolution and amicable divorce –to help parties resolve their conflict, move on and feel happy again. Life is too short to dwell on the past. Happiness is to be felt by parents and children alike. If you are able to focus your energy on finding a new and effective way to communicate with your divorced partner, you are more likely to feel happy in your new life. In addition, your children will have an easier time adapting to this new familial reality. There are many benefits to mediation services, so what’s the harm of trying it out?

Managing Ourselves in Mediation: Boundaries for Mediators

Managing Ourselves in Mediation: Boundaries for Mediators and Conflict Coaches

Mediate2go: Managing Ourselves in Mediation: Boundaries for Mediators

What are boundaries in conflict resolution

Similar to boundaries between nations or property, interpersonal and professional boundaries have many benefits. Boundaries in mediation, conflict coaching and conflict resolution in general can:

• Help our clients resolve conflict (see setting boundaries to resolve conflict)
• Help us define our own limits
• Help us know when our limits have been passed or violated
• Help others understand our limits and ensure that they respect them
• Help us maintain power and take responsibility for what we are responsible
• Encourage others to take responsibility for what they are responsible
• Encourage stability in relationships
• Provide a way for parties to learn to trust one another
• Ensure safety is protected

All of these apply in the context of conflict resolution. Boundaries benefit both client and professional. Without boundaries, we are simply other people in the lives of our clients. We might think we are helping, but we are not necessarily encouraging a change in patterns based on the needs of the client. If we expect our clients to be self-leaders in conflict, we need to be self-leaders when helping our clients in conflict.

What are the levels and types of boundaries?

Mediate2go: Managing Ourselves in Mediation: Boundaries for Mediators

• Personal - boundaries related to your personal needs
• Professional - boundaries related to your professional obligations and reputation
• Social - boundaries related to social norms
• Organizational - boundaries related to organization requriements, policies and procedures
• Legal - boundaries related to legal obligations
• Community - boundaries related to community and cultural norms

Top 10 signs that you have a boundary issue to address

1. I can’t do this – I’m worried I can’t help the parties resolve this conflict.
2. I feel annoyed – Something about the client or situation is bothering me.
3. I feel too close – My empathy for the client might be turning into sympathy or the need to please a client.
4. I feel embarrassed – Something said in mediation has embarrassed me directly or indirectly.
5. I don't know what to say – I am not comfortable with silence.
6. I feel rushed – Parties want issues resolved quickly.
7. I want to fix this – I want the clients to have a resolution.
8. I am being pushed into a corner – The client wants me to adjust the process against my better judgement or take responsibility for their issue.
9. I feel pressured to laugh at a client's joke – The client might be trying to get you on their side.
10. My client is angry at me, and I'm getting angry – The client's typical conflict interaction patterns might be manifesting themselves in the mediation room.

What can you do as a practitioner?

First of all, consider whether your safety might be at risk. Read about safety for mediators and coaches. If you feel safe, decide how you will assert your boundaries. Speak to your peers in mediation to get some insights, while respecting your client's privacy and confidentiality. Learn about how to manage your own emotions in the situation to learn how to become confident as a mediator. Remember, you are a model for your client(s), so personal work is key to being a good mediator (How to become a mediator). If you have ideas to share with your colleagues, please add them to this blog. Thanks!