Conflict is good for business. Conflict resolution and innovation go hand-in-hand.

Conflict is a good for business. Conflict can be transformed to help you meet business objectives.

Mediate2go.com: Conflict is good for business - Innovation and Change

Studies reveal that conflict has major impacts on organizations, employees and managers. (CPP Global Human Capital Report) Here are some examples, which also explain why individuals and organizations generally view conflict as a bad thing, something that should be avoided.

Costs to Organizations:

• Employees spend an average of 2-3 hours per week dealing with conflict
• Conflict leads to High Turnover and Lower Recruitment,
• Project Failure,
• Cross-Departmental Problems and
• Tarnished Public Image

Costs to Individuals:

• Stress,
• De-motivation,
• Anger and Frustration,
• Nervousness,
• Sleeplessness,
• Sickness,
• Damaged Reputation,
• Leading to Absence,
• Termination and
• Resignation.

Sadly, most organizations avoid conflict in the hope that it will go away on its own, or employees will deal with it themselves. This is likely to worsen the situation and lead to conflict escalation. Furthermore, it denies the possibility that conflict can be used to improve organizational output. 

Conflict, if managed effectively, can actually improve a business or organization. Here are some results: (See CPP Global Human Capital Report)

Mediate2go.com: Conflict is good for business - Innovation and Change

1. Better understanding of others (41%)
2. Improved working relationships (33%)
3. Better solutions to problems and challenges (29%)
4. Higher performance in the team (21%)
5. Increased Motivation (18%)
6. Major Innovation (9%)

As we can see, managing conflict can actually improve your working context and company overall. It might even give you an edge over the competition. Considering that teams can better understand one another, they will be more likely to communicate effectively during meetings, and therefore more capable to exchange information. Relationships are improved, so individuals will more freely share their innovative ideas and express themselves, all of which is data that is vital to effectively meeting organizational goals. 

Through improved communication, problems and challenges can be more easily managed, some of which might lead to expensive results if not handled otherwise. Teams perform more effectively, and teams are motivated, so leadership can delegate more work to the team and focus on other more strategic tasks. Major innovation also results through effective conflict management, which makes sense given that employees and managers feel a sense of loyalty to an organization that helps them effectively manage their conflict.

See our blog on building an internal conflict resolution system or strategy.

Water Cooler Talk: Gossip in the workplace

Water Cooler Talk: How healthy is gossip in the workplace? Can gossip actually improve the workplace?

Mediate2go.com: Water Cooler Talk: Gossip

You are at work, you walk into the lunchroom, and suddenly everyone goes silent. Maybe you are talking about someone, and you accidentally catch yourself looking or staring at him or her. These are signs that you have either been gossiped about, or that you are gossiping.

Researchers have found that almost everyone gossips. In fact, about 66% of all communication is about us, thus qualifying as gossip[1]. Whether it’s about politics, work, philosophy, emotions, feelings about other people, sex, social status or money, everyone gossips in some way. 10% of gossip is misleading and false information, while around 90% is used as a means of finding the truth[2]. Gossip might be bad, but more it’s more likely to be neutral or even good. Gossip can help us feel a sense of belonging within the team, so in many ways, it might help us adapt within a new workplace (to a degree, read below).

So, what makes gossip good or bad in terms of its impact on us? Well, if you gossip about good things, you are more likely “to be well liked, have higher status, and [to be seen] as possessing good information that others don’t have”[3]. This is a great motivator to gossip about good things. Here is a list of other types of good or neutral gossip.

Good or Neutral Gossip:

• Is based on empathy. Is focused on good intentions towards others
• Improves learning opportunities: Help us learn from other’s mistakes and identify bad behaviour
• Identifies new relationships: Help us identify with whom we want to establish and build relationships[4]
• Disseminates important information[5]
• Instructs and motivates good behaviour. For example, gossip can teach us appropriate social behaviour, effectively cuing our interactions with others, and even motivating us to behave in particular ways in order to avoid negative reactions[6].
• Builds relationships and a sense of community[7]

On the other hand, negative gossip has the following characteristics:

• Attacks, hurts and/or damages another’s reputation: also known as relational aggression[8], negative gossip might hurt one’s chances at professional development
• Excludes others: negative gossip often excludes someone from social environments, such as in the context of bullying, harassment and discrimination
• Reduces productivity[9]
• Decreases trust:  trust is decreased as a result of the fear that rumours might spread quickly if information is revealed. As a result, people might decide to err on the side of caution and not trust others.
• Increases conflict: negative gossip might increase conflict due to the formation of in and out groups, reducing collaboration
• Increases stress: negative gossip might create an unhealthy work environment

Mediate2go.com: Water Cooler Talk: Gossip

It’s easy to see how negative gossip can hurt the bottom line of a business. (see our blog on how to make conflict work for your organization). So, how can we ensure that we are gossiping in a positive or neutral way, and contributing to a positive work environment? Reflect on the following questions[10]”:

1. Is what I am about to say true and necessary to tell others?
2. Should I state this to the other person involved directly? Did this other person have a fair chance to respond to the issue at hand?
3. “How would I feel if someone said something similar about me?”
4. “How would I feel if I saw my words quoted in the daily paper tomorrow?”
5. “How am I going to feel later if I say this? (or listen to this)” Would I feel embarrassed about it? Would I feel anxious that my employer might know, as it might put my own career development in jeopardy?
6. “Does gossiping honour my own personal values?”
7. Does this type of gossip respect the values of my team and organization? 

“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment” - Dorothy Nevill

We recommend the 3D approach to dealing with gossip in the workplace:

1. Doubt: Don’t assume the information is correct (if it seems malicious), ask how they came to that finding or realization. Give the target of the gossip the benefit of the doubt.
2. Deflect: Respond in a way to change the topic of conversation, without making a big deal about it, so as not to alienate the speaker. Beyond this, start to use positive gossip to change the communication dynamics you experience with others. Gossip, even positive gossip, is contagious.
3. Differentiate: Talk about the difference between positive and negative gossip, and the impact on the target of the conversation, and others around. If you feel uncomfortable about participating in the discussion, state your feelings. If the gossip is about you, feel free to have a constructive conversation with the person.

So, this blog does not discourage all types of gossip. Rather, Mediate to Go recommends that you try to be conscious of the types of gossip that you participate in, their impact and then respond accordingly.

Leave a comment on our blog and let us know what you think! Thank you!

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[1] CBC DocZone

[2] CBC DocZone

[3] CBC DocZone

[4] Scientific American

[5] Scientific American

[6] Psychology Today

[7] Abercrombie, Nicholas (2004). Sociology: A Short Introduction. Short Introductions. Cambridge: Polity Press.

[8] Psychology Today

[9] UVAFEAP.com

[10] UVAFEAP.com

Family Fights & Fighting Fair: How to Peacefully Resolve Conflict

Mediate2go.com Family Fights & Fighting Fair: How to Peacefully Resolve Conflict and WabiSabiTherapist.com

Lynda Martens is a therapist and Mediate2go.com Blog Contributor. Please read about how she recommends to deal with family fights, from a problem solving perspective.

I have often thought of making this into a flow chart…think of it as such.  The process starts with the question… “Whose problem is this?”  at the top of the page.  If it is something that has you upset, it’s your problem.  If your partner is upset about something, it’s their problem, and if both of you are upset, then it’s shared.  The important part of starting with this question is that everything that happens after this…your role in the process…depends on whose problem it is.  Many problems are made worse when we forget this simple step and act as though the problem is ours when it’s not.

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Step 1:  The person with the problem will need to determine the size of the problem, in order to determine whether it is something that needs discussing.  Try to put problems into a basket!!!

Step 2: for the person without the problem:  If the problem is your partner’s…all you really have to do is listen openly so that you can understand.  Make this your only goal to start.  Put away the defending and the “yes…buts’”.  Don’t say a word until you believe that you understand and calmly restate what their concern is.  You can ask questions if you don’t get it.  An example… Person A says “When you say you’re going to take out the garbage and you don’t…I get frustrated with how it builds up. It smells bad.”  Listen, then maybe ask “Do you mean that you expect me to do it every week or that you want to know whether I realistically have time, and if I don’t…I should say so?”  And so on until it is understood.  The listener can remember that there is no expectation that miracles will happen…the speaker just wants to be heard most of the time.  Nothing needs to be fixed necessarily…just heard.

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Step 3: for the person with the problem:  Okay, back to the first question…if the problem is yours, and you have determined that it is in basket B… State the problem calmly, without accusatory tones or words (avoid words like “fault… never…always…blame”).  Avoid swearing, yelling, name calling, put-downs (you won’t… and shouldn’t .. get heard if you do this).  Try a formula of “When you ____, I feel ___ because ____.”  

Mediate2go.com Family Fights & Fighting Fair: How to Peacefully Resolve Conflict and WabiSabiTherapist.com

Remember that no one causes your emotions.  The problem is a problem because your personal reaction defines it as such… someone different may be more tolerant of certain behaviours.    Simply state the problem.  You don’t need to drive it into the ground.  They heard you and your words have more power if they are simple and clear.  If there is something specific you expect them to do that is serious (think basket C) you can make clear strong statements about your expectations…but no threats.  But remember, you can’t make them do anything, so focus on your clear and respectful delivery, and not your expectations.  Any time your goal is about getting someone else to do something differently, you’re in for trouble.

Step 4:  If the Problem is Shared:  This is the tricky part.  You both are upset and both trying to be heard.  Often times, a problem starts out as one person’s and becomes shared and more complex when the expression of the problem becomes part of the problem (“Sure I forgot the garbage again, but did you have to overreact like that and dump it all over the yard?”)  If you have followed the steps above, fewer things will fit into this category.  But if you’re already there…it’s a process of taking turns speaking and listening.  Think of it as two separate problems and treat it as such, using the process above.  Put yourself back in that sandbox and remember to share the time and take turns listening… if you want to be heard, you have to listen too.

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Some general DON’TS:  

• Don’t tell your partner what to do.  Commands are not respectful.  
• Don’t attack.  
• Don’t roll your eyes or get sarcastic (Oh…okay well I’ll do the garbage every freakin day then…how’s that?”)  
• Don’t bring up the last twenty times they did the same thing, or the time they insulted your mother and you’ll never forget it…it’s called ‘kitchen sinking’ to bring up past problems.  
• Keep it to the present situation.  
• Don’t tell all your friends about the issues in your marriage.  
• Don’t bring things up when you’re about to sleep and it’s dark.

Some general DO’S:  

• Do find out when it’s a good time to discuss a problem.  
• Do keep it brief.  No long lectures.  
• Do scale the problem first…”this is a 2 out of 10, so it’s not a biggie…” This helps shrink a problem before you even talk about it.  
• Do take a time-out if you feel you’re going to explode (time outs are not about ditching the issue though…state where you will be and how long it will be before you will be ready to discuss it.  
• Do address very small items in front of the kids so they can see you resolving it, but save the biggies for private talks.

Know your partner and yourself and what you both need.  Talk about your conflict resolution process and what things work and don’t for both of you.  Check out blogs and websites about "fighting fair", "family fights" and "fighting families", like this one.  And do consider consulting with a therapist if the pattern is stuck and your wheels are spinning.

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