Amicable divorce has advantages over fighting in court
Is there such a thing as friendly divorce? We think so. This blog is about how you can move past revenge towards a friendly divorce.
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| Mediate2go: Top 10 Songs about Divorce |
If
you are experiencing a divorce, check out our blog on the Top
10 Songs about Divorce and Top
10 Songs about Conflict. In addition, if you haven’t decided if you should
divorce or not, read this blog about choosing
whether to divorce and mediate.
Introduction to Amicable Divorce
Amicable divorce satisfies needs
Family
mediation is one of the most popular forms of amicable divorce available to
parties. Amicable divorce provides a means to prevent what some people label as
the problematic approach of family litigation. For many, family litigation is
inflexible and fails to satisfy parties’ true needs. “In comparison with more
formal, legal and adversarial processes, [family] mediation is characterized by
an informality and mutuality that can reduce both the economic and emotional
costs of dispute settlement.[1]”
Amicable divorce is flexible
Mediation
is often more appropriate than litigation, given that parties are not required
to follow a strict set of rules, and parties achieve emotionally satisfying
results because the process has been designed to satisfy these unique needs.
Amicable divorce still takes into account and must respect legislation and
regulations that guide family law, but provides increased flexibility to
parties to come to an amicable solution.
Differing views on amicable divorce
Some
people have questioned the benefits of amicable divorce, some calling it “the
good divorce myth”. In a news article from 2014, the DailyMail noted a study that
questioned whether mitigating family conflict had any improved impact on children
(see Amicable
Divorce). Specifically, they stated that divorcing couples that try to
remain friends to help their children would have little positive impact as a
result of this strategy. On the contrary, much research has been done that
encourages parties to reduce the level of destructive
conflict between one another to benefit their children. This research,
which encourages conflict
resolution, does not state that couples breaking up must be friends per se;
rather, but rather they must reduce the level of
conflict (see also conflict
escalation).
Benefits of amicable divorce and family mediation with songs
Amicable divorce helps you take care of yourself – Divorce can be one of the
most difficult times for a family unit to endure. When you are kind to yourself
as a divorcing parent, you will be more effective at managing yourself on a
daily basis through this crisis. Family mediation provides a way for you to
peacefully resolve your marriage break-up so that you may better satisfy your
needs. The court system and family litigation process is not designed to help
you take care of yourself.
Amicable divorce helps you learn how to
address conflict
– Through participating in an amicable divorce process, you may learn new
skills to address conflict in your relationship with your ex, in addition to
your relationships with other people. The skills you practice in an amicable
divorce can help you address issues in the future. Read more about the benefits
of Alternative
Dispute Resolution.
Amicable divorce helps you find happiness
and change – “if
your marriage fails, you are likely to feel a whole range of intense emotions:
sadness, anger, hurt, fear of an uncertain future, loneliness, confusion over
the many decisions you must make, and a sense of failure at your lost plans and
dreams” (CMHA).
Amicable divorce might increase the chances that you can again, satisfy your
deeper needs and interests. Instead of focusing your energy on competition,
arguing and fighting
with your ex, amicable divorce through family mediation allows you to quickly
find a way to move
on.
Amicable divorce helps you prevent
emotional turbulence for your children – “During a divorce, parents can do a
lot to ease the child’s transition. As a divorcing parent, do your best to keep
any conflict away from the kids. Ongoing parental conflict increases kids’ risk
of psychological and social problems” (APA). Through
amicable divorce, your children are less likely to be exposed to on-going,
damaging conflict. Check out our detailed blog about managing
and coping with divorce effectively when children are in the picture.
What does amicable divorce look like?
Family mediation
Parties
request the help of a neutral third party known as a mediator. The mediator
works with each party to identify and clarify their deeper needs during a
pre-mediation session. The second part of the process is the actual mediation,
where the neutral third party helps parties identify shared concerns, exchange
information, brainstorm solutions and come to an agreement. Read more about the
benefits
of mediation services and how ADR can help. Do
you want to try it out? Find a
mediator.
Collaborative law
In
this process, parties would each retain the services of a collaborative lawyer.
The lawyers would do their best to help parties achieve an out-of-court
agreement. Failing this, the parties would be required to retain other lawyers,
so as to encourage the collaborative lawyers come to an amicable solution.
Conclusion – Amicable Divorce
Overall,
amicable divorce will help you get better results than you might expect from
court (in many cases). Family mediation “has produced better-quality results
for both children and parents than litigated rulings.[2]”
The goal of amicable divorce is to satisfy parties in many ways.
Mediation
has the goal of ensuring that the parties’ human needs are met and goals
achieved.[3]
In this view, mediation aims to reduce the pain that parties experience as a
result of intractable conflict. The mechanics of the flexible and informal
mediation process help parties reduce the emotional and economic burdens of
parties in dispute and the use of public resources to settle these disputes
through the court.[4]
If
you are faced with divorce or separation, consider trying a different approach.
In the end, you are likely to save money, time and also your relationships.
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