Showing posts with label conflict resolution. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conflict resolution. Show all posts

Saturday, January 30, 2016

The Tipping Point of Mediation, Conflict Coaching and Resolution

Reflection of The Tipping Point by a Mediator
- How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference

The Tipping Point, By Malcolm Gladwell

Blog by Wayne Marriott

“The tipping point is that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behaviour crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire. Just as a single sick person can start an epidemic of the flu, so too can a small but precisely targeted push cause a fashion trend, the popularity of a new product, or a drop in the crime rate. This widely acclaimed bestseller, in which Malcolm Gladwell explores and brilliantly illuminates the tipping point phenomenon, is already changing the way people throughout the world think about selling products and disseminating ideas.”

Having read the book some years hence, I sought out the audio version of this valuable gem. This following information is my review of the book for your enjoyment. I hope it whets your appetite sufficiently to seek your own copy and enjoy Gladwell’s writing as much as I have.
You can find the iTunes version of the book here.

So, why should conflict management practitioners take on Gladwell’s glad-tidings?

I’m a conflict resolution service provider. My unique skill and ability is for sale. Regrettably the craft of practitioners like me is undervalued by a market sector that believe when they get into conflict, the dispute belongs to the other party and seldom accept much personal responsibility in the cause nor the resolution of their dispute. “I’m not in dispute. I’m right and they are wrong”. I find most of my clientele have become so immersed in their dispute they can no longer see a way through. In their exhaustion, they simply transfer responsibility of resolution to a lawyer or worse still, rollover allowing the other party to exert more power than should normally be afforded to them.  All of this can lead to destructive conflict escalation.

I’ve been searching for an edge toward success in my conflict management practice. Something that I could use as a guide in the market place frequented by fickle and grumpy consumers who don’t yet know what they need, nor want. How can I help people overcome this conflict blindness? What marketing ideas will create a change in the way consumers deal with dispute? I see this book as a tool to reflect and find a solution to improve my conflict resolution practice.

Biography of an idea – 4 principles

The Tipping Point described by Gladwell is the biography of an idea. For the communication of an idea (the message) to create change: the messenger must be a connector; the message must be in context and the message needs to stick, that is, personal, memorable, and practical. Simplistic, the change must be the easiest option.
As conflict resolution practitioners, we can harness Gladwell’s vision to help guide a personal business approach to transform our practice and strengthen our industry with strategies designed to build capability across our client sector, communities, organization, etc.

Important ideas that provoke change demonstrate 4 principles:
1.    Associated with contagious behaviour
2.   Little change = big effect
3.   Significant change will occur in one dramatic moment
4.   Principle 4 -  making sense of 1 and 2 above in these four parts:
                                              i.     Demonstrates geometric progression like that of a viral epidemic
                                            ii.     The unexpected must be expected – where radical change is more than a possibility
                                          iii.     There are three agents of change.
                                          iv.     Word of mouth epidemics become extraordinary news.

Agents of change

The three agents of change are essential elements of ideas that provoke social change are:
1.    The law of the few – key people who demonstrate: exceptional skills; energy; sociable nature and knowledge. Gladwell calls them:
a.    Connectors
b.    Mavens
c.    Salesmen (although I prefer to describe these folk as persuaders)
2.   The stickiness factor – ideas that make an impact (change behaviour) and stay top of mind (popular across the culture)
3.   The power of context – where the tipping point is reached owing to tinkering with even the smallest detail.

The law of the few – who are they and what do they offer?

The success of any social epidemic is heavily dependent on people with a particular set of skills. Change will occur more readily when these three specialist come together. Gladwell makes clear that these few do not exist in every team, community or organization. With this in mind we must remember that teams, communities and organizations must ensure these exceptional skills are present. For sole practitioners who beat a solitary drum and attempt to develop the entire skill set, an important lesson is to collaborate with key people to ensure the tipping point is reached and change assured.
Gladwell defines Connector; Mavens and Persuaders as follows:
a.    Connectors AKA people specialists.
These folk have great contacts. They prove, it’s not what you know but who you know. They give the rest of us access to opportunities and worlds that we ordinarily don’t belong. Effective people specialists rank highly in a six degrees of separation where not all the degrees are equal. Gladwell describes the circle of friends is actually a pyramid where key individuals simply know lots of people of all different ilk and move between cultures with ease. He says that weak ties can net more worth than strong ties. This means that our acquaintances are stronger allies than our friends and relatives. (Gladwell discusses his six degrees theory  and Kevin Bacon here )
b.    Mavens AKA information specialists.
These folk are accumulators of knowledge. We rely on mavens as information brokers. They are the experts in their field and we pay them tremendous respect as our go-to people on specifics topics. Gladwell says that mavens’ are socially motivated and seldom demonstrate strength in persuasion.
c.    Persuaders AKA communication specialists.
Tuned in to cultural micro-rhythms, persuaders demonstrate mastery of a specialized human trait where listening and intervention is as synchronous as a conductor of an orchestra. With perfect timing, they listen, interrupt and become interactional as if in tune with most everyone they meet.

When Mavens and Connectors amongst us get together.

Importantly, mavens demonstrate success when they collaborate with connectors who are innovators. Connector-innovators are trend setters. They often feel they are isolated – even outcasts. They are also pioneers who see a bigger picture. They are passionate and readily become engaged in various forms of activism.

When mavens and connector-innovators get together a more coherent picture comes clear. The fresh broadened view ensures a more complete analysis is not influenced by those with an insular and biased outlook.

Maybe this is why conflict management innovators (or any professional group or social enterprise) are more often engaged in change processes across their sector. They create change by incremental steps that might otherwise not seem connected. The resulting tipping point comes with radical and rapid change to the surprise of those around them whilst the pioneers go unrecognized.

If this is you, (pat on back) then you will already be broadening the scope of your craft to provide consumers with flexibility, strengthening the action of your profession and changing culture. You will be making change the easy choice, as Gladwell suggests, redefining innovation as mainstream. See the Mediate2Go blog on enhancing customer service in conflict resolution.

Afterword by Malcolm Gladwell.

“A book is a living and breathing document that grows richer with each new reading”. Malcolm Gladwell.
An added strength of the audio version is Gladwell’s personal afterword where he shares fresh insight into his vision. He says that:
         i.         Difficult and challenging change is best tackled by a close knit group.
       ii.         An increasing significance of the social media culture means we must rely more on the power of word-of –mouth of our mavens, connectors and persuaders.

He also says that since writing The Tipping Point he can add fresh insight.
1.    Understanding the rise of isolation.
2.   Beware the rise of immunity.
3.   Finding the mavens.

1.    Understanding the rise of isolation.
Individuals these days seem to follow an internal cultural script where they are infected by the example of how others experience and react to conflict and dispute. The resulting contagious behaviour in the population requires a counter response toward the tipping point to conflict competence.  Only then will we overcome our underlying anxieties that fuel unhealthy hysterical social behaviour.

2.    Beware the rise of immunity.
The power of word-of-mouth becomes more valuable as the message epidemic is prolonged. This is counter-intuitive to normal economics where scarcity drives an increase in value and wealth.  Gladwell opines that increasing network size is self-limiting as we become immune to the share volume of messages directed at us about more things we have little interest in. The key to reducing immunity is to reach people face-to-face.  This relies on us valuing those in our teams, communities and organizations we respect  admire and trust. The cure for immunity is engaging with our mavens, connectors and persuaders.

3.    Finding the mavens.

Gladwell calls it, “creating the maven trap”.

People look up to mavens, connectors and persuaders (The law of the few) because they naturally value respect and standing amongst friends and colleagues. They are less impressed with status and wealth. In particular the mavens we value are able to break through the rising tide of isolation and immunity because:
  •    Mavens prefer direct communication, face-to-face.
  •    Word-of-mouth messages will be carefully constructed to attract the maven group in each sector, community and organization.

Gladwell suggests that finding and collaborating with a widened maven group will hasten the process toward the tipping point of change.
What ideas and great works are you considering? Can you identify the mavens are around you? When will you formalize a strategy to bring together your connectors, mavens and persuaders?

How to use Gladwell’s book to improve conflict resolution for both clients and mediators.

My mission from now is to consider my colleagues in terms of Gladwell’s classification.
1.    Write a list of colleagues you admire and respect and consider if they are mavens, connectors or persuaders. (Many of these folk will have strengths in each)
2.   Make a plan on making contact with each individual and set about securing a face to face meeting with them.
3.   Use the meeting to gather information about their values. Talk with them about what you are working on and introduce the Gladwell readings.
4.   Ask questions such as:
1.    What values do mediators share? (This is your maven trap – mavens will wax lyrical on their view of this.)
2.   What stifles referrals and business development? (see best business ideas for mediators)
3.   Without undermining the competitive nature of our practice, how can we work together to grow the size of the referrals pie?
4.   Would you be willing to join a think tank / working party to discuss 1, 2 and 3 above?
5.   Then plan and implement your think tank meeting with your mavens, connectors and persuaders. Have them consider:
6.   What would it be like to work together?
7.   Which environments are in most need of transformation?
8.   What challenges will we face?
9.   How will we overcome the challenges?
10. How will we know we are making a difference?
11.What commitments do we need to make together to take another step? (Who, what, how, when, why)
Whilst our mediation colleagues are for in intents and purposes competitors for a fairly limited pie of referrals, by embracing Gladwell’s concepts we can work together to grow the size of the pie. By working together our client base can encompass a broadened foundation of communities, sectors and organizations that will benefit from embracing their own mavens, connectors and persuaders. They simply need our guidance to show them.

Connect with Wayne Marriott, Mediator

For more information, please read Malcolm Gladwell’s book, The Tipping Point.


Sunday, November 29, 2015

Amicable Divorce

Amicable divorce has advantages over fighting in court

Is there such a thing as friendly divorce? We think so. This blog is about how you can move past revenge towards a friendly divorce.
Mediate2go: Top 10 Songs about Divorce

If you are experiencing a divorce, check out our blog on the Top 10 Songs about Divorce and Top 10 Songs about Conflict. In addition, if you haven’t decided if you should divorce or not, read this blog about choosing whether to divorce and mediate.

Introduction to Amicable Divorce

Amicable divorce satisfies needs

Family mediation is one of the most popular forms of amicable divorce available to parties. Amicable divorce provides a means to prevent what some people label as the problematic approach of family litigation. For many, family litigation is inflexible and fails to satisfy parties’ true needs. “In comparison with more formal, legal and adversarial processes, [family] mediation is characterized by an informality and mutuality that can reduce both the economic and emotional costs of dispute settlement.[1]

Amicable divorce is flexible

Mediation is often more appropriate than litigation, given that parties are not required to follow a strict set of rules, and parties achieve emotionally satisfying results because the process has been designed to satisfy these unique needs. Amicable divorce still takes into account and must respect legislation and regulations that guide family law, but provides increased flexibility to parties to come to an amicable solution.

Differing views on amicable divorce

Some people have questioned the benefits of amicable divorce, some calling it “the good divorce myth”. In a news article from 2014, the DailyMail noted a study that questioned whether mitigating family conflict had any improved impact on children (see Amicable Divorce). Specifically, they stated that divorcing couples that try to remain friends to help their children would have little positive impact as a result of this strategy. On the contrary, much research has been done that encourages parties to reduce the level of destructive conflict between one another to benefit their children. This research, which encourages conflict resolution, does not state that couples breaking up must be friends per se; rather, but rather they must reduce the level of conflict (see also conflict escalation).

Benefits of amicable divorce and family mediation with songs

Amicable divorce helps you take care of yourself – Divorce can be one of the most difficult times for a family unit to endure. When you are kind to yourself as a divorcing parent, you will be more effective at managing yourself on a daily basis through this crisis. Family mediation provides a way for you to peacefully resolve your marriage break-up so that you may better satisfy your needs. The court system and family litigation process is not designed to help you take care of yourself.

Amicable divorce helps you learn how to address conflict – Through participating in an amicable divorce process, you may learn new skills to address conflict in your relationship with your ex, in addition to your relationships with other people. The skills you practice in an amicable divorce can help you address issues in the future. Read more about the benefits of Alternative Dispute Resolution.

Amicable divorce helps you find happiness and change – “if your marriage fails, you are likely to feel a whole range of intense emotions: sadness, anger, hurt, fear of an uncertain future, loneliness, confusion over the many decisions you must make, and a sense of failure at your lost plans and dreams” (CMHA). Amicable divorce might increase the chances that you can again, satisfy your deeper needs and interests. Instead of focusing your energy on competition, arguing and fighting with your ex, amicable divorce through family mediation allows you to quickly find a way to move on.

Amicable divorce helps you prevent emotional turbulence for your children – “During a divorce, parents can do a lot to ease the child’s transition. As a divorcing parent, do your best to keep any conflict away from the kids. Ongoing parental conflict increases kids’ risk of psychological and social problems” (APA). Through amicable divorce, your children are less likely to be exposed to on-going, damaging conflict. Check out our detailed blog about managing and coping with divorce effectively when children are in the picture.

What does amicable divorce look like?

Family mediation 

Parties request the help of a neutral third party known as a mediator. The mediator works with each party to identify and clarify their deeper needs during a pre-mediation session. The second part of the process is the actual mediation, where the neutral third party helps parties identify shared concerns, exchange information, brainstorm solutions and come to an agreement. Read more about the benefits of mediation services and how ADR can help. Do you want to try it out? Find a mediator.

Collaborative law

In this process, parties would each retain the services of a collaborative lawyer. The lawyers would do their best to help parties achieve an out-of-court agreement. Failing this, the parties would be required to retain other lawyers, so as to encourage the collaborative lawyers come to an amicable solution. 

Conclusion – Amicable Divorce

Overall, amicable divorce will help you get better results than you might expect from court (in many cases). Family mediation “has produced better-quality results for both children and parents than litigated rulings.[2]” The goal of amicable divorce is to satisfy parties in many ways.

Mediation has the goal of ensuring that the parties’ human needs are met and goals achieved.[3] In this view, mediation aims to reduce the pain that parties experience as a result of intractable conflict. The mechanics of the flexible and informal mediation process help parties reduce the emotional and economic burdens of parties in dispute and the use of public resources to settle these disputes through the court.[4]

If you are faced with divorce or separation, consider trying a different approach. In the end, you are likely to save money, time and also your relationships. 

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