Super Powers - Being powerful and resolving conflict in relationships and organizations
"I feel powerless"
"I want more power and influence"
"I want to be respected"
"I am powerless"
"I feel scared of asserting myself"
"I avoid making eye contact"
"Someone embarrassed me at work, and I did nothing"
"We have a workplace bully"
A blog on power by a mediator and conflict coach
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| Mediate to Go - Super Powers - Being powerful in relationships and organizations |
What does power mean to you? Do you feel comfortable using
power? Maybe power makes you uncomfortable.
Do you avoid eye contact with people? Do you hesitate when making requests of
other people? Do you start some of your sentences with “I know this is a stupid
question, but…”? Most people don’t realize this, but we exercise power on a
daily basis. This blog is all about power in relationships. In order to be an
effective self
leader in conflict situations, we recommend the use of empowerment. Read
more about power below.
Definition of Power
Power is defined as ”The ability to influence the attainment
of goals sought by yourself or others.” (J. Dan Rothwell)
Other definitions of power include” the ability to do or
act; great or marked ability to do our act; strength; might; force; legal
ability, capacity, or authority; the possession of control or command over
others; authority.” (Dictionary.com)
Synonyms for power
The items of power include the following: “capability;
skill; dynamism; gift; talent; effectiveness; aptitude; efficacy;
qualification; influence; potential; virtue.” (Thesaurus.com)
Antonyms for power
Antonyms of power include powerless, ”incapacity; weakness.”
(Dictionary.com) “in
aptitude; inefficiency; incompetence; uselessness; surrender; yielding;
impairment.” (Thesaurus.com)
Introduction to power
In order to effectively resolve conflict, and to be a self leader in conflict
situations, one must learn how to manage their own power and interact with the
power of other people. Power is all around us, and is not something that can be
avoided. Even if one feels powerlessness, it is not possible to be completely
powerless.
Given our interdependence in human relationships and groups,
everyone has some form of influence. (J. Dan Rothwell) That is a form of power.
In fact, in order for people and groups to achieve their goals, they must
exercise power. (J. Dan Rothwell)
Forms of power
Hollander and Offerman, (1990) explain that there are three
forms of power; dominance, prevention
and empowerment.
Dominance
He who has great power should use it lightly.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Dominance is a form of competitive power, where someone’s
gain is someone else’s loss. This type of power is most obvious in
organizations or governments where are hierarchy is present. Dominance can be exercised within given
situations. Sometimes, dominance is Express verbally through interruptions,
Contradicting someone else, berating them and monopolizing or dominating
discussions. (J. Dan Rothwell)
Prevention
The only power you have is the word no.
Frances McDormand
Prevention is another form of power, which is also
competitive in nature. Prevention Power takes place when someone is attempting
to react to the power of dominance. Prevention power is common as a form of
resistance. (J. Dan Rothwell) In the context of workplace conflict, if you’ve
been a manager and your employees have resisted some form of change, this is
known as prevention power. If you’ve been an employee, and someone has asked you
to do something that goes against your values or the values of the organization,
you may have exerted prevention power in managing this conflict.
Empowerment
The purpose of getting power is to be able to give it away.
Aneurin Bevan
Empowerment is much more positive out of all of these forms
of power. Empowerment is all about helping others increase their capabilities
and improving the influence of both groups and individuals. (J. Dan Rothwell)
empowerment is all about collaboration: everyone in the group is given the
tools they need to succeed together as a team. Empowerment is seen as a
proactive means of helping oneself and others seek their goals. (J. Dan
Rothwell)
Power games
Some people view power as a game. What is the power game? A
power game is the interaction of dominance and prevention within different
areas of life. As mediators and conflict coaches, we encourage people to seek
empowerment, as empowerment is a form of collaborative power. We believe that
through working together, people are more likely to have both of their needs
and interests met. This is not to say
that we should not seek any form of power. Studies have shown that people using
powerful language achieve credibility and are more persuasive than others. (J.
Dan Rothwell)
Power in Communication
Passive Communication
Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's.
Deborah Tannen
Passive Communication means “not expressing genuine
emotions, views, and values or sharing them with apologies, excessive justifications,
and self-critical statements such that other people can discount what you think
and feel. Passive communication conveys that your beliefs and emotions do not
matter to others. The aim of passive communication is to avoid direct
expression.” (U
of New Hampshire) Powerless verbal
communication is another term for passive communication.
In some ways, passive communication might be easier, as one
might avoid taking responsibility for themselves and others. However, there are
many problems and not asserting power in communication. Passive communication
can create a great deal of resentment over the long term, as one might feel
that they have compromised there needs to the benefit of someone else.
Assertive Communication
Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.
Clint Eastwood
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| Mediate to Go - Super Powers - Being powerful in relationships and organizations Also, see our blog on being a Self-Leader in Conflict Situations |
Assertive Communication
means “Expressing thoughts,
feelings and values directly, honestly, and respectfully. Assertive
communication clearly conveys someone’s opinions and emotions and perspective.
The goal of assertive communication is mutual acknowledgement and respect and
compromise when there is disagreement.” (U of New Hampshire)
If you are a self-leader
and conflict situations, you are an assertive communicator.
There is a great deal of Power in assertive communication.
Others some people might have a negative association to the term assertive,
assertive communication is collaborative in nature. To be assertive is to be
authentic and open about what you need, while respecting
the boundaries of others, and wanting the best for them as well.
Aggressive Communication
Power is dangerous unless you have humility.
Richard J. Daley
Aggressive communication means “expressing opinions and
emotions directly but dishonestly and/or disrespectfully. Aggressive
communication conveys that what the other person wishes, feels and thinks is
unimportant enough to be dismissed. The goal of aggressive communication is to
win and dominate.” (U of New Hampshire)
Aggressive communication is all about competitive power and
the power games. How can I win? What can I do to dominate the other person? How can I take revenge? Another problem with aggressive communication is that a “win” does not lead to
positive relationships in the future. While one might feel that they’re
powerful on the circumstances, this might backfire.
Conclusion
We have all heard the terms, power game, powerhouse and
power up. For some, especially passive
communicators, asserting power is uncomfortable. For others, especially
aggressive communicators, asserting power is almost too comfortable, given that
it is at the expense of others. As mediators and conflict coaches, we recognize
the importance of power in human relationships.
Power is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, groups and
their members required power in order to achieve their goals. How can groups
achieve their goals and effectively manage conflict? The most appropriate form
of power is empowerment, which is based on collaboration. The best way to
achieve empowerment is through assertive communication.
Power and powerless quotes
Knowledge is power.
Francis Bacon
Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.
Molly Ivins
Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.
Paulo Freire
We mostly feel fearful because we feel powerless. We feel powerless, I contend, because of a style of thinking that splits information in two poles that makes us lose all the operative information we need to solve the problem.
Patricia Sun
People who are powerless make an open theater of violence.
Don DeLillo
References
J. Dan Rothwell, In Mixed Company: Communicating in Small
Groups and Teams, Thompson Wadsworth
The article by the U of New Hampshire
was “Adapted from Lange & Jakubowsk (1978), as well as handouts from
Missouri University of Science and Technology, University of Wisconsin Eau
Claire, Massey University, and the University of Kansas.”
