Social media advice for mediators, coaches and facilitators: Why give a tweet?

Social media advice for mediators, coaches and facilitators: Why give a tweet?

Introduction

The importance of twitter

Did you know that some peoples’ relationships are completely initiated and developed on twitter? As a mediator, conflict coach or facilitator, this is significant. If you want to reach new markets and develop and retain existing clients, you should consider whether your social media strategy includes twitter. If you do not have a twitter presence, what does this mean for potential clients using this platform who are in need? Will they be able to reach you if they require divorce mediation services? Will you be available to receive their messages if they prefer tweets to traditional email messages?

This blog is meant to discuss the use of twitter for conflict resolution experts as a compliment to our Best Business Ideas: Social Media Networking for Mediators.

Tweeting terms:

Tweet:

A tweet is “a posting made on the social media website Twitter” and “a very short message posted on the Twitter website: the message may include text, keywords, mentions of specific users, links to websites, and links to images or videos on a website” (Dictionary.com).

Retweet:

Also known as an RT, a retweet is a “repost or forward (a message posted by another user).” Below, you may see the message by Mary Anne @mediator2family which has been retweeted (which is indented in a smaller box below the message by @Mediate2Go).

Twitter Handle:

A twitter handle is a personal identifier on the twitter site, which also acts as a username. You can ‘mention’ someone in a tweet by using their handle (i.e. @mediate2go), so they are notified of your mention. The tweet will also show up in their live feed. Below, you will see the twitter handle of mediate2go. Also note that the twitter handle becomes one’s twitter page address: https://twitter.com/mediate2go.

Hashtag:

A hashtag “is a type of label or metadata tag used on social network and microblogging services which makes it easier for users to find messages with a specific theme or content” (Wikipedia). Below, you can see the term #freshstart, which was a popular theme at the time, so anyone searching on twitter for #freshstart may see this tweet in association with the term #freshstart.

Twitter feed:
 

A twitter feed is ”An ongoing stream of Twitter messages (tweets)” (PC Mag). When you log into twitter, you will see this stream of messages appear. They are tweets from people you follow, and others that might have other shared interests, or advertisements. Below, you will see different types of twitter feeds that you can select, including top tweets, video tweets and more.

Twitter is different from other social media sites

Twitter is a medium to have live conversation with others. Keep in mind thata  tweet’s lifetime is 18-20 minutes, unlike more static posts on facebook. A tweet can still be seen on your twitter page, but it only remains ‘active’ and on the twitter feed 20 minutes or so.

The twitter equation

Ideally, you should be posting one thematic tweet, 4 or 5 times a day. The structure of the tweet should be the 1) Headline, the link 2) Link and 3) 3 Hashtags (#). Although it might be challenging to find sufficient amounts of compelling and appropriate content for your twitter account, the number of posts can significantly increase your reach.

Content in your post

Avoid common mistakes in developing and sharing your twitter content.

Avoid the following

• Too much direct promotion: (ie. buy this service). Some say this type of content should only be posted in 1 tweet out of every 10 tweets.
• Mixing your personal and brand identity: Set up separate twitter accounts, and distance your personal from your professional identity, or risk alienating your followers and looking unprofessional. Still be personable, so people can identify with your brand/company.
• Letting the trend guide you: Use trends to inspire you in your twitter content and headline, but only if you can connect it seamlessly with your message
• Tweeting without a schedule or plan: You should set up a yearly schedule of dates to keep in mind to share content so that you don’t miss important events that provide rich content (i.e. international conflict resolution day).

Mediators, coaches and facilitators, try the following when you tweet:

• See what’s trending: Check what is trending during the day, and use the #’s you see. Also, keep track of useful “Retweet Bait” like #FF – #FollowFriday, #FridayFeeling, or #TBT – Throw back Thursday. These can be used in your twitter equation to maximize the spread of your message. 
• Post blog materials: If you are looking for inspiration, tweet a blog link, shorten it with Bit.ly or within your Google account. Feel free to go back and promote previously posted blogs to new audiences. 
• Thank new followers: with a unique message or question to add further content to your twitter feed, and show potential followers that you would be an ideal twitter friend in the future. 
• Use photos or graphics: Share photos twitter, but remember they are only live for 20 minutes, so don’t take too much time or spend too many resources in developing these.

Followers – who to follow and who to avoid

You can follow people to have their content appear in your twitter feed. It’s also a way to get them interested your business. When you follow them, they will get a notification stating as much. Watch out, some people might follow you, and then once you have followed them back, they will unfollow you. This is a sneaky way for them to build their list of followers. This means that that you might be following someone who isn’t interested in your tweets.

Here are some things to avoid when it comes to followers.

• Following the wrong people: People who are not your target clients should not be followed, unless you have some other type of strategic business reason for doing so.
• Paying for followers: If you have a social media budget, use this to hire someone to do regular posts.

Here are some things to try when it comes to followers:

• Keep it local: Connect with local community members, businesses and community groups on twitter, so that they see your name out there. Engage with them on local issues so you that look like an available expert.

View twitter as a tool to build relationships like you would in person.

Here are some principles to keep in mind when you tweet:

• Build Relationships: Even if twitter is the only platform for some of these new relationships, try to consider them as important as in-person professional relationships. You might meet these practitioners in person one day
• Consistent identity: Choose three characteristics that your ideal clients look for in a mediator, coach or facilitator, then brainstorm ways that you can tweet to emphasize or demonstrate this aspect of your brand identity (i.e. if you deal with condo disputes, then post about condo-related regulations, court decisions related to condo disputes, news stories on condos and condo associations to show that you are active in the community and that you are an expert).
• Use a mediation-based tweeting philosophy: build trust with more communication, and develop collaborative and friendly relationships with others as you would in the ‘real’ world.
• Help other people connect: Do your best to be a ‘connector’. Reply to other people’s tweets and mention interested third parties as they might return the favour one day.
• Quality Circle/community of practice: Use twitter as a quality circle or community of practice to discuss issues you face in difficult mediation, coaching and facilitation cases to get feedback and ideas.

Conclusion – Social media advice for mediators, coaches and facilitators: Why give a tweet?

Twitter can be intimidating, especially if you are unfamiliar with how it works. You might not even see the value in developing a twitter-based identity. Hopefully, we provided you with some thought provoking and inspiring reasons to try twitter, and practical tools to build and maintain a successful mediation services, coaching services and facilitation practice with social media. If you don’t have enough time to develop content, hire a student who wants to become a mediator, coach or facilitator. Lots of people are looking for mediation jobs, so ask for help today.

Build an Internal Conflict Resolution System - Workplace Conflict

Build an Internal Conflict Resolution System - Workplace Conflict

The principles to create an effective conflict resolution system for your business or organization.

Mediate2go.com, Build an effective conflict resolution strategy for your business or organization!

Benefits of Conflict Resolution at Work

Here are some other benefits of conflict resolution, if conflict is effectively addressed in organizations. Also, see our blog about how conflict is good for business.

• Beyond issues of disputants, mediation services and conflict coaching can impact teams and the organization overall to help them achieve strategic goals, and ensure that goals can be realistically obtained
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can increase creativity, improve performance, collaboration (in relationships and inter-departmentally), heal and restore relationships, manage power imbalances, etc.
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can reintegrate employees and managers into workplace/team while litigation may cause too much damage
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can garner commitment to behaviour change and facilitate systemic changes
• Mediation services and conflict coaching can prevent litigation costs (including counterclaims) and associated harms (financial, emotional)

Also, be sure to see our blog on how conflict can be used to decrease business risk and promote growth within an organization. 

How to develop a conflict resolution system

So, what can you do to transform conflict into a good thing in your company or organization? Set up an internal conflict resolution system for your organization or business. Here are some tasks and/or principles to keep in mind when developing a system.

Mediate2go.com, Build an effective conflict resolution system for your business or organization!

Top 10 tips to build a conflict resolution system

1. Customization. Customize the system based on organizational and ‘people’ needs.
2. Self-responsibility. Everyone must take responsibility for their own behaviour and needs. If you have a problem, address it, do not avoid it, unless you believe you can let it go or it will help you resolve the issue in the long run. If something was said that bothered you, find out how to address it effectively. Read about having a constructive confrontation (or discussion) and how to take self-leadership and self-responsibility in conflict resolution.
3. Leadership Support. Management, HR, and Unions must encourage and support conflict resolution training and encouragement managers and employees to manage conflict in a mutually respectful way. This includes the provision of resources, human, special and financial, in order to ensure that conflict resolution is easy to access for all within the organization. Without leadership support, conflict is likely to escalate and become destructive and hard to fix (how to fix a relationship)
4. Build Team Cohesion and Trust. Ensure that you encourage all employees and managers to build personal relationships, and integrate this into a weekly agenda of activities. When things do become challenging, individuals will be more likely to have enough Trust to manage these challenges effectively. Trust will also be essential when planning, designing and delivering a program. See our blog on the Definition of Trust and Building Trust.
5. Participation: Ask for the participation of all stakeholders prior to the development of a plan for the organization.
6. Problem Solving. Encourage interdisciplinary and interdepartmental problem solving (levels of conflict). If employees and managers are given the opportunity to share concerns and brainstorm on how to resolve conflicts, the organization is more likely to gather critical data to prevent issues from hurting the organization overall. See our blog on the levels of conflict within an organization.
7. Listening and Feedback Training. Encourage active listening and how to give and receive feedback. If employees and managers are able to effectively listen to one another, they will be empowered to self-resolve many of their issues, often without the help of management and HR. This means more time spent on critical issues. Never underestimate the power of active listening.
8. Meta-communication. Make it part of your weekly routine to talk about how you communicate, how to improve interpersonal relationships, and how to address potential conflict situations (Top 10 Tips on How to Resolve Conflict).
9. Self-resolve Conflicts. In addition to training on interpersonal communication, employees and managers must be given the skills to deal with conflict before it becomes an issue. It might entail other types of training or services, such as those related to stress reduction, whereby these might improve one’s ability to better address personal issues that might lead to conflict. It might also encourage activities such as meditation and yoga in the workplace, to help people feel centered and capable of addressing issues in a healthy way. This is also covered in our blog on self-responsibility, managing anger and our self-resolution tool.
10. Change Agent. Find a mediator, conflict coach and project manager to design, build and implement your conflict resolution system. Be sure to find a mediator with years of experience in workplace conflict resolution to assist in this process. We’ve discussed some of the essential tasks and principles to keep in mind when setting up an internal conflict resolution system. However, they will be able to do a needs assessment to determine the needs of the organization, and recommend how these may be achieved. 

In summary, conflict can be used as a positive force of change in your company or organization if it is addressed effectively. Leave your recommendations and questions on the blog in the comments section below. Also, try using our web app to set up your own system. 

Setting the mood... in the mediation room

Setting the mood... in the mediation room - Understanding tone in conflict resolution.

Words cannot express quite a lot of feelings, whereas a noise or tone or drone or sound, an accordion falling down a staircase, can somehow capture an emotion much better.

John Lydon 

Introduction - All about the bass

Just like “Tone is everything in TV” (Ryan Murphy), tone is everything in conflict coaching, mediation and facilitation. Mediators and parties in conflict need to be aware of their emotions during mediation. Without emotional self-awareness, parties may inadvertently become even more upset in a process as a result of the emotions of someone else. Worse, is that a mediator, coach or facilitator might mimic a parties emotions without realizing it, reinforcing negative interactions and conflict escalation and allowing the parties to challenge their boundaries. Setting the tone in mediation impacts the parties, the mediator and can make or break a high-quality mediation process. Indeed, it's all about the bass.

Theory - setting the mood in mediation: 

Managing boundaries to impact the tone

Emotional contagion theory posits that the emotional state of someone can impact others around them.[i] This means that the sad feelings of a party in mediation might lead to feelings of sadness in another, even if the other person had already managed those emotions. Fortunately, a positive and hopeful attitude toward the situation, or a feeling of calm might infect others. Have you heard someone with infectious laughter? This might be an example of a more positive emotional contagion. 

The same theory also applies to the mediator, whose emotional tone might be used to influence parties in a positive way, or unintentionally in a negative way, reinforcing destructive conflict. If the mediator is unaware of this impact, they might also come across with a more heavy emotional demeanor, diminishing the likelihood of a more future-focused and hopeful attitude and tone. This is an example of poor maintenance of boundaries.

Changing how we communicate to impact the tone in mediation

We often refuse to accept an idea merely because the tone of voice in which it has been expressed is unsympathetic to us.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Communications accommodation theory posits that people subconsciously meet the patterns of others around them.[ii] This can be used  as a tool for mediators, coaches and facilitators to help in the resolution of a conflict. Say a divorce mediator models positive communication that encourages conflict resolution, the parties might be aided in fixing their relationship. The same goes for helping parties feel comfortable:

“If a disputant has a slow rate of speech or uses dramatic gestures, the mediator might regulate his or her own rate of speech or size of gesture to be similar to the disputant – creating feelings of kinship and comfort for the disputant.”[iii]

Unfortunately, if a mediator lacks self-awareness, this can have a negative impact on parties. In divorce mediation, if the mediator becomes agitated by one of the parties, they might unintentionally start to communicate more abruptly. This can serve to further escalate a difficult situation. In workplace mediation, rushed communication with parties might only increase their feelings of stress and discomfort, making conflict resolution more challenging.

In communications accommodation theory, there are 3 common patterns in someone’s communication behaviour, which include;

Convergence: 

Convergence occurs when someone adapts to another person's communication behaviours, such as mimicking eye contact, tone, pace of speaking and more.[iv] Convergence can be both positive or negative. If it is perceived as genuine behaviour, then it might be thought of a positive.[v] As mentioned above, convergence can be negative if it leads to conflict escalation.

Divergence:

The tone did take on a negativity that I didn't like and when you make the decision to go the other way as we did it very directly had an impact, you can see it with the tracking.

Scott McCallum

Divergence “occurs when communicators purposefully accentuate a difference in communication patterns in an effort to separate their own identity.”[vi] Sometimes divergence is used purposefully to increase someone's power in relation to someone else. Mediators might do this unintentionally when they use jargon with clients who have no training in conflict resolution.[vii]  Parties might also use divergent communication with each other in a mediation session, in order to gain power over the other. This happens in destructive relationships.

Overaccommodation: 

Overaccommodation takes place when someone overcompensates or overadapts to another person's communication style. You’ve seen this in movies when someone speaks in an exaggeratedly slow and loud tone, and the other responds with frustration as they would have heard the message clearly. Overacommocation can be perceived as insulting, and might lead to conflict escalation. This might be common in divorce mediation cases, where parties may use overaccomodation to trigger one another.

Using listening to improve the tone 

Tone is often the most important part of a conversation - and listening is so much more important than what you say.

Hoda Kotb

When I spoke, I was listened to; and I was at a loss to know how I had so easily acquired the art of commanding attention, and giving the tone to the conversation.

Adelbert von Chamisso

Be sure to visit our blog that describes active listening for more information on this critical aspect of improving the tone.

Using music and songs about conflict to improve the tone

As goofy as it sounds, I try to sing in the morning. It's hard both to sing and to maintain a grouchy mood, and it sets a happy tone for everyone - particularly in my case, because I'm tone deaf, and my audience finds my singing a source of great hilarity.

Gretchen Rubin

We are not telling you that you should play music during mediation. This can be distracting to the parties. However, music during breaks in the mediation might help parties relax – breaking the tension. Ask each party their favourite artist, and then play each of their favourite songs during a break. Be sure to check out our top 10 conflict songs in 2014 for some ideas of songs related to conflict.

Creating a supportive environment to improve the tone

The higher the moral tone, the more suspect the speaker.

Mason Cooley 

Mediators must manage the environment to reduce conflict escalation and improve the likelihood of conflict resolution. Here are some things to look out for, and things to encourage in a conflict coaching, mediation or facilitation session:

• Be accepting of parties in all of their diversity, avoid judgement and be patient
• Help each person express their ideas with confidence
• Take self-leadership, rather than avoiding accountability
• State your needs when confronting others, rather than speaking in generalizations
• Avoid passive aggressive and aggressive behaviour
• Show interest in ideas shared by other parties, even if they might not be feasible
• Using active listening to help each person feel supported and heard
• Help parties manage their anger effectively during mediation
• Encouraging parties to take small steps to build trust

Using your opening statement to improve the tone 

If you don't set the tone for the day, the devil will set it for you.

Joel Osteen

In addition to the other important aspects of an opening statement, mediators should start their session with a positive, hopeful and forward-looking statement. They should coach parties to develop a similarly positive opening statement before the session. An opening statement that comes across as genuine, and is convergent with the other party’s identity, can help lead to conflict resolution. 

Conclusion

We are not won by arguments that we can analyze, but by tone and temper; by the manner, which is the man himself.

Louis D. Brandeis

In the field of conflict resolution, tone is everything. As they say in film, “All you can really do as director is sort of set a tone.” (Adam McKay). The same goes for coaches, mediators and facilitators. Mediators must ensure that they avoid emotional contagions, and that parties are not ‘infected’ by someone's negative emotional reactions, as these may lead to destructive conflict escalation. 

To effectively resolve conflict, mediators and parties must modify the way they communicate, so that parties mimic the communication patterns of each other, without making them feel uncomfortable or insulting one another. A mediator can also positively impact the tone by modeling healthy communication, facilitating a supportive environment and drafting (and helping parties draft) effective opening statements. With the right tone, parties can be inspired to listen to one another and find ways to resolve their conflicts.

---

[i] Essential Skills for Mediators, page 37 citing Hatfield, Cacioppo, and Rapson (1993).

[ii] Essential Skills for Mediators, page 37

[iii] Essential Skills for Mediators, page 37.

[iv] Essential Skills for Mediators, page 37.

[v] Essential Skills for Mediators, page 37 citing West & Turner, 2000. Introducing communication theory: Analysis and application. New York: McGraw Hill.)

[vi] Essential Skills for Mediators, page 37.

[vii] Essential Skills for Mediators, page 37.

Conflict Coaching in Organizations

Organizational conflict coaching: Informal, independent, neutral conflict management and dispute resolution

“The Organizational Ombudsman is like a smoke-watcher, if we see signs of smoke we will investigate and, if there is a fire we will make recommendations on putting it out and preventing future fires in that area. No one expects fire, but if it does occur we need a trained eye to direct us to the source, quickly, expertly and safely”.

Dr David Miller. Organizational Ombudsman, The Global Fund. Geneva.

 

Conflict Coaching in Organizations

Introduction to Conflict Coaching in Organizations

We all deserve a positive work environment, a place where we can enjoy our work for a job well done. When handled constructively, conflict is a normal and useful part of life. In fact, conflict can be good for business and can increase innovation. However, if left unresolved people may not feel their workplace is positive. It will lead to low morale and you may even notice that productivity is lost. In extreme cases, people may have health problems associated with conflict. This is especially true in the case of workplace bullying.

Many organisations have a formal conflict management system in place, encouraging staff to use the process if they get into workplace conflict. As with many formal processes, staff can be reluctant to engage due to fear of  retaliation, loss of relationships or other consequences.

The work of the Organizational Ombudsman as a conflict coach  is a complementary addition to an existing formal system. The informal nature of the conflict coach fosters conflict management and resolution of disputes quickly whilst reducing the cost of conflict both in dollar terms and human cost. Conflict coaching can help parties manage conflict escalation and resolve conflict.

What situations at work could I sort out with coaching?

• My supervisor is grumpy with me all the time. I don’t understand why.
• The foreman seems to have favourites and I’m not one of them.
• The person I work with goes too slow and ignores my plea to work harder.
•  I think I’m being treated differently than other people because I’m from another country.
• I’m feeling bullied by the others. There is so much gossip where I work.

What does workplace conflict coaching offer?

•  Strengthen your ability and confidence to take steps to resolve issues.
• Assist with negotiations between people
• Listen and help you develop options to address issues and assess the consequences of these options.
• Provide information and clarification on company procedures and practices.
•  Identify other avenues of help outside the workplace.
•  Give the organization valuable insight into the issues facing staff so they can address systemic problems. (via anonymous reporting with consent)

What is a typical workplace coaching session?

In well-resourced organizations, the office of the Ombudsman is available for personal visits and contact by phone. For example, in New Zealand where the use of conflict coaching is new, enlightened organizations offer a limited service relaying on set days when the coach will be on site. In this situation, the coach offers to be available by phone on other days and will agree to meet with staff privately away from the workplace. They might also be available through video conference in email, such as within Online Dispute Resolution.

Conversations between coach and client are a one-to-one process so the client can increase competence and confidence to manage their interpersonal conflict and dispute. It is a future-oriented and voluntary process that focuses on the client’s conflict management goals. Conflict coaching is not counseling or therapy. The coach will not provide advice or act as your agent, representative or lawyer. Usually there will be several sessions, the first used to reach agreement about the boundaries of coaching and the client.

Primary role and responsibilities of the coach include:

a)      Help the client identify conflict management goals and steps required to reach them.

b)     Co-create a relationship that supports and facilitates the client’s efforts to reach their goals.

c)     Assist the client, manage or resolve a dispute or prevent one from escalating unnecessarily.

d)     Help the client strengthen their knowledge, skills and abilities to engage more effectively in conflict.

e)     Manage the coaching process through a step-by-step process where appropriate.

The client agrees to:

a)      Communicate honestly with the coach.

b)     Be willing to co-create the relationship and identify the best way to collaborate to ensure progress.

c)     Be open to the coach’s observation and input.

d)     Provide feedback to the coach on their experience of the coaching process and the working relationship.

e)     Be accountable for doing the work required to reach their goals.

f)      Be solely responsible for their decisions and actions regarding their goals.

The coach will maintain complete confidentiality about the content of the coaching sessions unless:

a)      Disclosure of the information is authorized by the client in writing.

b)     The client reveals intent to harm others or themselves.

c)     The information is required on an anonymous basis for educational or statistical purposes (no identifiable names and information are used).

d)     Required by applicable laws.

About the Author - Conflict Coaching in Organizations

Wayne Marriott.Conflict coach; Mediator and Conciliator. Wayne is based in New Zealand. He offers services face to face in New Zealand and by phone everywhere.