Conflict Resolution -Top 8 tips to resolve conflict

Conflict Resolution -Top 8 tips to resolve conflict

Conflict Resolution -Top 10 tips to resolve conflict from Mediate to Go

Introduction to Conflict Resolution

Man must evolve for all human conflict, a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Definition of Conflict

What is conflict? Conflict means “discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles”, and an “incompatibility or interference, as of one idea, desire, event, or activity with another”  (Dictionary.com). Other words for conflict include collision and opposition. Conflict often leads to a great deal of pain, leaving people wanting inner peace.

Areas and levels of conflict

Conflict can take place in interpersonal relationships within the family and in the outside world, and at various other levels, including intrapersonal conflict (conflict within the self), departmental, organizational, community-based, regional-based, national and international conflicts.

Often, conflicts take place at varying levels at the same time. For example, you might have a conflict at work with a colleague, but at the same time, the organization, by failing to address the issue right away, creates a conflict between yourself and the organization. Here are some examples of levels of conflict in an organizational setting.

Conflict Escalation

The most challenging part of conflict relates to conflict escalation. Typically, conflict escalates between parties so that issues become bigger than necessary, parties become increasingly angry with one another, they focus on blaming each other and issues become increasingly complex and difficult to resolve. Even if parties want to fix the relationship, it becomes increasingly difficult.

Ways to address conflict. Formal vs. Informal (alternative dispute resolution)

In many areas of life, the traditional way of resolving an issue was to fight in court. Whether its divorce or a workplace dispute, parties would file a complaint or an action in court to address the issue. This type of approach, including labour arbitration, is adversarial, rights based and more formal. Parties ask a third party to make a decision, often leading to a win-lose situation. Read about the differences between mediation and arbitration. On the other hand, conflict resolution is now more about alternative dispute resolution, this means issues are addressed outside of formalized processes. Parties try to fix their relationship and resolve issues in a non-adversarial way, and only resort to a formal approach if the informal is unsuccessful.

Top 10 tips to resolve conflict

1. Don’t avoid the conflict. You might fear conflict and confrontation due to a fear of being rejected. Conflict can be positive for you, your relationships and your organization. Conflict can actually be good for business, leading to innovation. The key is to build your confidence to address the issue. Know that everything will work out.
2. Manage your anger. Take some time to breath, relax and reflect, if you feel you might explode. Ideally, you bring up your feelings immediately in the situation, if you feel safe. However, there is nothing wrong with finding the right time to discuss an issue. This can reduce the likelihood of escalation.
3. Reflect, don’t blame. We have the tendency to blame others. If you try hard, you can put yourself in the other’s shoes. What might they have felt in the situation? How would it have felt for them. It’s uncomfortable, but put time and effort into this.
4. Don’t stay if it’s a destructive relationship. Is the conflict reoccurring? Think about whether the conflict is destructive. Sometimes we stay in destructive relationships, but no matter the resolution, it will be short lived without addressing the deeper issues. If you can’t decide if you should divorce or not, read about how to choose between mediation and therapy.
5. Learn about negotiation and how to negotiate. Often, conflict resolution requires people to negotiate to ask what they are looking for.
6. Confront the person in a respectful way. We call this a constructive confrontation, where we prepare to discuss our concerns with someone in a respectful way, focusing on our feelings, not blaming the other.
7. Take leadership in the situation. Become a self-leader in conflict resolution. To be a self-leader, you need to be powerful. Follow our LEADER acronym to address issues effectively to resolve conflicts in your life.
8. Learn about conflict resolution and how to fix a relationship. Listen to our Top 10 songs about conflict to learn about typical types of conflict, and ways that people typically resolve issues.

Conflict Escalation - Easy steps to manage and resolve your conflicts.

Conflict Escalation - Easy steps to manage and resolve your conflicts.

Mediate to Go: Conflict can escalate easily if we don't address it appropriately.

Blog on Conflict Escalation

This blog is about the conflict process model by Morton Deutsch. His work, also known to some as the conflict escalation model or used as a conflict diagnostic model, can help parties learn more about the conflict escalation process and what one can do to increase the likelihood of effective conflict resolution and conflict management. 

Introduction to Conflict Escalation

In order to effectively manage conflict , one must better understand the dynamics of conflict escalation. Conflict can be a normal and healthy part of any relationship.  Workplace conflict, if managed effectively, can be good for business.  Differences in perceptions can improve problem-solving and increase innovation. Personal conflicts, such as conflict in the family, can help people determine their values and ask for what they need. In order for conflict to be a positive thing, one must manage the process of conflict so that it does not lead to conflict escalation.

What is conflict escalation?

Morton Deutsch, a pivotal leader in the field of conflict resolution, psychology and education described conflict escalation in detail. In his view, conflict at times may become destructive,  ”by a tendency to expand and escalate”. Conflict escalation is a negative process of conflict.

Deutsch stated,

The tendency to escalate conflict results from the conjunction of three interrelated processes:

1.     Competitive processes involved in the attempt to win the conflict;

2.     Processes of misperception and biased perception; and

3.     Processes of commitment arising out of the pressures for cognitive and social consistency. These processes give rise to a mutually reinforcing cycle of relations that generate actions and reactions that intensify the conflict. (direct quote, p. 352)

Limiting conflict escalation?

Other processes may have the effect of limiting conflict escalation. However, if they are weak, conflict may escalate. Other processes that might lead to conflict escalation if they are weak include:

4.     The number and strength of the existing cooperatives bonds;

5.     Cross cutting identifications;

6.     Common allegiances and memberships among the conflicting parties;

7.     The existence of values, institutions, procedures, and groups that are organized to help limit and regulate conflict; and

8.     The salience and significance of the costs of intensifying conflict. (direct quote, p. 352)

Unfortunately, ”Even if [these] are strong, misjudgment and the pressures arising out of tendencies to be rigidly self-consistent may make it difficult to keep a competitive conflict encapsulated.” (p.352) In sum, limiting conflict escalation requires a great deal of effort for mediators, conflict coaches, and parties facing conflict. One basic way of stopping conflict escalation is through ending blame and defensiveness.

Process of Conflict

Destructive process of conflict

Conflict, if not managed effectively, leads to a process of conflict that is destructive. Some destructive conflict is also characteristic in destructive relationships and revenge. Deutsch stated the following characteristics of the processes of conflict when it becomes destructive,

• The initial cause of the conflict is forgotten or becomes irrelevant;
• The issues expand in size and number;
• More people become involved in the conflict;
• The precedents and principles which appear to be bad issue increase;
• Parties are willing to absorb a higher cost;
• Negative attitudes towards the other side are intensified;
• Parties rely more on power, and “upon the tactics of threats, coercion, and deception”. (direct quote, p. 352-3)

Constructive process of conflict

An ideal process of conflict resolution involves the use of ”Persuasion and from the tactics of conciliation, minimization of differences, and enhancement of mutual understanding and goodwill.” (p.352) These there just a few ways to move constructive conflicts from escalation to resolution.

For Deutsch and others in the field of conflict resolution, constructive processes of conflict resolution we’re based on three key features; creative thinking, cooperative problem-solving, benevolent misperception and cooperative commitment. (p. 360-365)

Creative thinking

“[O]ne of the creative functions of conflict resides in its ability to arouse motivation to solve a problem that might otherwise go unattended.” (p. 361) In order to facilitate creative reactions to problems requires that people do not feel in anyway threatened and they are tolerant of ambiguity and open the unknown. (361) 

In order to increase the possibility of a constructive process of conflict resolution, we must create a safe space and help ourselves and others feel motivated to address the conflict. Mediators and conflict coaches must constantly ensure that parties feel safe and comfortable, as a means of improving creative outcomes to a conflict – hence,  a major benefit of using mediation services.

Cooperative problem-solving

“In a cooperative context, the conflict can be viewed as a common problem in which the conflicting parties have the joint interest of reaching a mutually satisfactory solution.” (p. 363-4) Cooperation has many positive impacts that can lead to a more constructive process of conflict resolution. Deutsche found the following:

·      Open communication is facilitated between the parties which increases the exchange of information, helping parties address the real issues of the conflict;

·      Each side is recognized as having legitimate interests and the need to find a solution that addresses these;

·      Trust and friendliness improves, which helps parties be sensitive to their similarities and shared concerns and downplays their differences. (p. 363-4)

Benevolent misperception

“Cooperation tends to minimize differences and enhances the perception of the others' benevolence.” This means, if parties are overall more cooperative, they’re more likely to see the other person as having good intentions. Deutsche also mentioned some shortcomings of this, if parties do not address all of their issues.  However, benevolent misperception can increase the likelihood of cooperative conflict resolution. As a result, we recommend facilitating a cooperative environment, be it in a professional or personal context.

Cooperative commitment

For better in some cases, ”[p]ast investments, already established facilities, procedures and institutions, Obligations to third parties, and situational pressures may operate to bind one to a cooperative relationship.” (p. 364) This means that ”[t]he bonds of a cooperative relationship maybe cemented in loyalty, obligation, conformity, guilt, or convenience as well as in personal attachment and personal gain.” (p. 365)

The question then becomes, does the end justify the means? It seems that more adversarial forms of negotiation (see also negotiation tactics) would tend to use some of these means to encourage the resolution of the conflict. However, if parties are not fully motivated to abide by the resolution, or their feelings of loyalty, attachment, guilt or notions of personal gain change, the resolution might be at risk. As conflict resolution experts, we recommend that parties do their best to address the root of the issues at hand to prevent social conflict escalation and a stalemate.

Conflict management and conflict resolution

Taking self-leadership in conflict situations also means learning about conflict escalation and how to reduce the likelihood of fights going bad - destructive conflict. 

Mediate2go: Don't escalate conflict - be a self-leader

You might ask yourself, what is destructive conflict at home or what is destructive conflict at work, and how can it be resolved?

To effectively manage or resolve a conflict, one must do their best to prevent the conflict from escalating. The conflict escalation process can decrease the likelihood of parties finding a means of collaborating and resolving their shared issues together. In some ways, addressing the stages of a conflict through addressing the conflict escalation process is a way to resolve conflict in itself.

What does this mean for you? You need to know how to manage conflicts at work? How to address the conflict within your family?  Here are some recommendations;

• Create a supportive and safe environment, so that people do not feel threatened;
• Encourage a cooperative environment through the use of activities to build trust and positive relationships;
• Even if you disagree with the other person, recognize that they have legitimate interests and concerns;
• Build relationships with an authentic intent to treat others with respect and dignity. Be open and honest with your needs and concerns, and help them feel comfortable to do the same with you;
• Read about taking self-leadership in conflictsituations, how to fix a relationship, fight fair, active listening and how to build and maintain trust.

Deutsch, M. 1973. Conflicts: Productive and destructive. In Conflict resolution through communication, edited by F. E. Jandt. New York: Harper & Row. 

Some links on conflict escalation:

Wikipedia

Beyond Intractability

U of Oregon

Keywords: Conflict de escalation, de escalating conflict, it escalation process,

Improving CX Customer Experience for Mediation Clients

Improving CX Customer Experience for Mediation Clients

Mediators and conflict resolution experts should use the power of CX to build and manage a successful mediation practice. - 

Improving CX Customer Experience for Mediation Clients

CX Solutions for Mediation Services Clients

We know that being a successful mediator requires a wealth of knowledge and experience in conflict resolution. For a job in mediation, we pursue academic studies and seek voluntary positions to start a successful practice. We are accustomed to learning from our clients and from our peers before, during and after the mediation process to improve our practice. We ask ourselves; what worked, what could work better, and what must be changed to improve the process.

Unfortunately, we often overlook the importance of looking at our mediation services practice as a business. Looking at our clients as customers can provide a great deal of insight that can increase the viability of our mediation services business.

How to improve the customer experience

Key to any successful business is treating the customer as the prime resource. If we don’t have customers, we don’t have a business, and if we don’t have a business, we can’t put food on the table. This blog is designed to help you as a conflict resolution expert develop new insights into running a successful alternative dispute resolution practice, especially one focused on providing mediation services. Questions include: how to improve the customer experience, ways to improve customer experience, improving customer satisfaction and implementing a customer experience improvement program.

1. Customer experience CX for mediators and conflict coaches

A mediator’s potential customers use technology as a primary form of communication, so start using technology in your practice, or risk missing out on future opportunities. Our blog on generational differences provides a great deal of insight into this area of improving your mediation services practice.  

2. How to improve the customer experience

In addition to using technology in new ways, you should look at every client interaction as a learning experience. This is key to CX customer experience. Constantly seek feedback through active listening, and record important data to review later. This is the key to know how to improve the customer experience, or CX. A focus on CX customer service means understanding your customers in new ways. For many mediators, this includes a customer satisfaction survey after each mediation services session, for others it might include discussions with clients during the session(s). A follow-up survey might provide an additional tool to better understand the impact of your services. If clients were unhappy with the CX you provided, a follow-up survey gives you another opportunity to address their concerns and create some positive word of mouth. We recommend using each of the aforementioned methods and any others you find useful. Before you even start your practice, do a focus group to better understand your client, so that their first experience is positive.

3. Ways to improve customer experience

After understanding your customer better and what they want in terms of an experience with you, then address the ways to improve their CX. Look at all of the data collected and conduct a SWOT Analysis, which is a means of analyzing Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of your business. Business consultants frequently use this tool when helping companies better meet their customer’s needs. Ask for the help of a neutral third party or facilitator to conduct the SWOT Analysis so that you have someone to challenge your thinking and provide more insights into the customer’s feedback.

4. Improving customer satisfaction

In addition to addressing weaknesses in your CX, think about what you can do to add value to your mediation services process. 

5. Implementing a customer experience improvement program

To improve the CX, we recommend developing a CX program with the help of a service design specialist, such as Mediate to Go’s Antonio Starnino. The Service Design network describes service design as the:

“…activity of planning and organizing people, infrastructure, communication and material components of a service in order to improve its quality and the interaction between service provider and customers”

Mediation Services: The Benefits

Benefits of Mediation Services  

Read about the difference between mediation services and arbitration. To learn about what mediation is, or the definition of mediation, click the link.

Introduction to the benefits of mediation services.

Read about the various benefits of mediation services. Whether you want to know about the benefits of mediation in the workplace, or simply what are the benefits of mediation, this is the blog to read.

Benefits of Mediation

1. Voluntary Process 

Most mediation services are voluntary in nature. That means that if you are not comfortable with the process, you can simply tell the mediator that you would like some help or that you would like the process to end. However, if you have agreed to a resolution, that may be legally binding.

2. Faster Results

Generally speaking, it is much faster to attend a mediation process than to file a formal complaint or go through a formal legal process. Although some mediators are busy and might not be available immediately, the mediation services process might take from one afternoon to a few sessions, or a few days for very complex cases. However, it is rare for cases to take months or years to be resolved, as it is for court cases.

3. Customized Services

Although a mediator might have their own style of mediation, they are the guides of a more informal process to help you and the other party resolve your issues through communication. If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with something, just talk to the mediator. The purpose of mediation services is to resolve the issue and move on.

4. Confidential Services

Mediation services are often chosen as an ideal way of resolving a conflict in order to protect the parties. Sometimes, the dispute might be related to confidential or secret information, if made public, could hurt either or both parties. Instead of going through a court process where the public and media are involved, mediation services allow discussions to be held behind closed doors.

5. Relationships are Maintained and Restored

A major benefit of mediation services is that parties are guided through a communication process, and often gain skills to resolve their issues with the mediator’s help. This means that the parties might go through a transformative process and rekindle an once positive relationship. Through mediation, parties often better understand one another through active listening and personal change, and forgive the other party. This is much better in comparison to adversarial court processes that encourage animosity.

6. Subject Matter Experts

Although mediators do not give advice on the subject matter of the dispute because that might jeopardize their neutrality, they are often subject matters in particular areas, and might help guide a process based on the issues the parties face. Say the mediator has a background in finance, and they are helping parties resolve a financial issue, the mediator will not advise the parties, but might ask more appropriate questions to help the parties come to their own solution. Although courts are specialized in the legal aspects of disputes, mediation services might be highly specialized in a particular subject matter area, such as intellectual property, real estate, family dynamics or workplace psychology.

7. Increased Control and Certainty

Again, mediators do not make decisions as to the outcome of the mediation services process, unless they decide to terminate it. However, the mediation process is often much more flexible than a court process, which is completely controlled by the court system and a third party making the decision (the judge). Although one might imagine that a court decision would be more certain, mediation often leads to more certain decisions, given the parties have a choice in the outcome, and are less likely to resist the resolution.

8. Mutually Beneficial Mediation Services

One of the most beneficial parts of mediation services is that it benefits both parties involved, rather than a court process where there is usually a ‘winner’ and a ‘looser’. The point of mediation services is to help the parties resolve their issues in a flexible way that works for both parties. The

9. Health Benefits of Mediation Services

Conflict, and emotions related to conflict, such as anger, lead to increased stress and negative health implications. Mediation services offer a quick way to resolve issues, that are flexible and based on the needs of the parties. This makes the process itself less stressful than a mediation process. Parties can get issues resolved quickly, instead of waiting months or years for a court date.

10. Innovation and Change with Mediation Services

In addition to the health benefits of mediation, mediation services provide an opportunity for parties to stop, reflect and take action to make positive changes in their lives. Conflict can be uncomfortable. However, conflict can lead to innovation and overall, conflict can be good for business. Even if the mediation services process does not lead to innovation for business, it can help lead to innovations in relationships so parties can move on with their lives.

Top 10 Songs about Conflict - 2014

Mediate2go Blogger, Ashton Bult, has compiled a list of the top 10 songs about conflict and songs about conflict resolution in 2014. Read his description and analysis of conflict and conflict resolution in relation to each song. What songs do you think are missing from this list? Be sure to leave a comment at the end of the blog with your opinion. Thanks for reading (and listening)! Also, be sure to check out the Mediate to Go Top 10 tips on how to resolve conflict and Songs about Conflict Management Styles.

1.    ‘Shake It Off’ by Taylor Swift

A song about conflict avoidance, managing anger and moving on.

‘Shake It Off’ was one of the top hits of 2014, and an anthem towards conflict. Rather than dealing with the conflict itself however, Taylor tells her listeners to ignore the haters, and just be you.

2.    ‘Black Widow’ by Iggy Azales

A song about destructive relationships and confrontation

‘Black Widow’ deals with a nasty relationship between the artist and her partner. She is choosing to attack her ex-partner for the way he treated her. Though this song may not be a positive solution towards conflict, it defiantly involves direct conflict. We recommend using constructive conflict.

3.    ‘Don’t’ by Ed Sheeran

A song about bad relationships

This song discusses a conflict of interests and values between a man and his lover. He believes that his lover, although not serious, is faithful to him. However, she knows that he isn’t interested, and chooses to bed multiple men. With two differing opinions on the same subject, the conflict is created through intercourse.

4.    ‘I’m Not The Only One’ by Sam Smith

A song about infidelity, self-leadership and avoidance.

This song deals with infidelity. This man is married to a woman who is with another man. He has approached her about the subject, but she brushes him off multiple times. He chooses to avoid conflict, and not make an issue of this serious subject.
 

 

5.    ‘Blame’ by Calvin Harris

A song about blame, trust and self-responsibility.

This song deals with a man who had an ex-lover over to his home, after which his girlfriend became jealous and leaves him. He is regretful and wants to apologize. Instead of taking responsibility for his actions however, he passes the blame to timing. He is refusing to admit he is part of this conflict.

6.    ‘Anaconda’ by Nicki Minaj

A song about boundaries, self-confidence and self-empowerment.

This song, and especially its music video, caused a storm of conflicts about its appropriateness and sexual imagery. Parents of children were horrified that the song itself and imagery could negatively affect their children, and it glorified sex. However, Nicki Minaj maintains that beneath the surface, the lyrics themselves convey a strong message.
To me personally, the lyrics represent personal boundries, self-confidence within conflict and self-empowerment.
(WARNING: Explicit video)

7.    ‘Rather Be’ by Clean Bandit

This song is about the benefits of conflict and conflict resolution.

This song deals with a couple searching life together, yet at the same time not caring as long as they have each other. This song talks about previous conflicts, and the aftermath and peace after it has been resolved. They have moved on, and are ready to be together forever. This shows how conflict can enrich relationships.

8.    ‘The Hanging Tree’ by Jennifer Lawrence

This song is about confrontation and destructive conflict.

‘The Hanging Tree’ was a featured song in the recent movie ‘Mockingjade’, sung by Jennifer Lawrence herself. Though the song does not have conflict specifically woven into the lyrics, the song represented a war between the factions and the Capitol. It also symbolizes the effects of direct conflict, how it can damage both parties.

9.    ‘Bang Bang’ by Jessie J, Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj

A song about multi-party conflicts and conflict dynamics.

‘Bang Bang’ deals with a three-way conflict between Jessie J, a desirable man and his high school sweetheart. Jessie J wants to steal the man away from his girlfriend, using her looks and bad girl personality as an incentive. If she achieves this, she will cause multiple conflicts between all parties involved.

10.    'All About That Bass' by Meghan Trainor

A song about confidence and self-leadership.

This song deals with conflict with oneself as well as misconception by the general public and media. This is an anthem to let go of these conflicts, and simply be comfortable with whom you are. Here are some ways to move on, take self-leadership and build your self-esteem to resolve conflict.

 

About the Blogger:

Ashton, Mediate2go Communications Blogger
Ashton Bult is a graduate of tourism studies, with a strong interest in media outreach. He spends his free time winning water polo games and reading several books a week. Ashton also acts, dances and choreographs in a Drama club in Auckland.