Setting Boundaries to Resolve Conflict

Setting Boundaries to Resolve Conflict

Don't know where the future's headed

But nothing's gonna bring me down

Adam Lambert – No Boundaries

Introduction -  Setting boundaries to Resolve Conflict

Feeling Uncomfortable? Set a Boundary

Not too long ago, we wrote a blog about boundaries called Feeling Uncomfortable? Set a Boundary! This laid the foundation for better understanding how we manage the space between others and ourselves. We also introduced theory to explain tensions between being close and distant with others – tensions that are constantly in balance in all of our relationships. 

But what next? How to fix a relationship in relation to a boundary? How does one take this information and apply it within daily life?  How does one deal with or manage a conflict where a boundary is involved? Does every conflict involve some sort of boundary issue?

To start, we recommend being a self leader and taking responsibility in conflict situations. We wrote a blog about self leadership and conflict resolution, which discusses a model to help you feel powerful in relationships.

Common types of boundary violations

Someone around me is angry

It’s hard to not get caught up in someone else’s anger. Anger can come across as very aggressive, and can distract us from what we are doing or thinking. If the anger is from someone in public, and it is not directed towards you, escape from the situation. Remind yourself  there is nothing you can do, and get out of there. Now, if the anger is based on something that you might be  responsible for, you need to take a different approach. Look at our blog on dealing with anger and how to manage anger to learn more about this.

Someone around me is stressed

This is also a difficult emotion to deal with. Not only is it an emotion, it becomes a physiological response, which makes it even more challenging to manage. Someone else’s stress might easily become yours' within minutes or seconds if you do not stay focused  and reinforce your interpersonal boundaries with the person. If you want to improve your boundaries around someone who is stressed, feel free to tell the person that you are starting to feel stressed as a result of their stress. You can say something like,”I feel anxious that you were talking about that. I think everything will be fine.” Or, if you want to help that person deal with their stress, feel free to do so, but make sure that the person gets the help that they need. Also, it is important for you to have your own stress reduction strategy, whatever that looks like to you. Do you go to the gym regularly? Do you do yoga? How do you feel relaxed and what can you do you want a regular basis to reduce your level of stress overall?

Someone around me is offensive

If someone around you said something that you feel uncomfortable about, you can manage your response in several different ways based on your goals and the impact you’re looking to have in the situation. Is there way for you to can state your needs through having a constructive confrontation? This is often the best way of getting your message across, while making sure that you are not offending someone and escalating the conflict unnecessarily. Otherwise, it might even be appropriate to react based on your first instinct or feeling. If you do not think that you will be put in a dangerous situation as a result of your response, and your reputation will not be hurt, feel free to go with it.

Someone around me is jealous

Jealousy is pretty complicated and may require that someone in the situation must work on their confidence. Although you might want to set an obvious boundary with the other person, is important to try to be empathetic to their situation. This is not to say that you should do something that you are not comfortable with or take it lightly if someone wants to take revenge. However, your empathy can go a long way to help resolve a potential conflict. Remember, you are not responsible for their feelings. However, one of the best ways of getting out of the situation is by doing precisely that, get out of it.

Someone around me is in a conflict

Have you ever been around someone that is in conflict with someone else, and you inadvertently started to take on their view or feel the same way toward the other person? This is often part of a conflict escalation cycle, when people start to form groups as result of a conflict that becomes increasingly confusing and messy. It is hard to stay neutral in a conflict. One of the best ways to manage this boundary is by using conflict resolution skills. Even better, take leadership in the situation and help the person see things in a new way. Ask yourself if it is worth getting involved and hurting your own relationship with that other person for something that may or may not have happened. It takes two to tango, so if there is a conflict, both parties have probably contributed in some way. At the same time, gossip can be a good thing in particular situations. Think about these ideas and make the right decision for you.

                                                                                                                         

Conflict Resolution -Top 8 tips to resolve conflict

Conflict Resolution -Top 8 tips to resolve conflict

Conflict Resolution -Top 10 tips to resolve conflict from Mediate to Go

Introduction to Conflict Resolution

Man must evolve for all human conflict, a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Definition of Conflict

What is conflict? Conflict means “discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles”, and an “incompatibility or interference, as of one idea, desire, event, or activity with another”  (Dictionary.com). Other words for conflict include collision and opposition. Conflict often leads to a great deal of pain, leaving people wanting inner peace.

Areas and levels of conflict

Conflict can take place in interpersonal relationships within the family and in the outside world, and at various other levels, including intrapersonal conflict (conflict within the self), departmental, organizational, community-based, regional-based, national and international conflicts.

Often, conflicts take place at varying levels at the same time. For example, you might have a conflict at work with a colleague, but at the same time, the organization, by failing to address the issue right away, creates a conflict between yourself and the organization. Here are some examples of levels of conflict in an organizational setting.

Conflict Escalation

The most challenging part of conflict relates to conflict escalation. Typically, conflict escalates between parties so that issues become bigger than necessary, parties become increasingly angry with one another, they focus on blaming each other and issues become increasingly complex and difficult to resolve. Even if parties want to fix the relationship, it becomes increasingly difficult.

Ways to address conflict. Formal vs. Informal (alternative dispute resolution)

In many areas of life, the traditional way of resolving an issue was to fight in court. Whether its divorce or a workplace dispute, parties would file a complaint or an action in court to address the issue. This type of approach, including labour arbitration, is adversarial, rights based and more formal. Parties ask a third party to make a decision, often leading to a win-lose situation. Read about the differences between mediation and arbitration. On the other hand, conflict resolution is now more about alternative dispute resolution, this means issues are addressed outside of formalized processes. Parties try to fix their relationship and resolve issues in a non-adversarial way, and only resort to a formal approach if the informal is unsuccessful.

Top 10 tips to resolve conflict

1. Don’t avoid the conflict. You might fear conflict and confrontation due to a fear of being rejected. Conflict can be positive for you, your relationships and your organization. Conflict can actually be good for business, leading to innovation. The key is to build your confidence to address the issue. Know that everything will work out.
2. Manage your anger. Take some time to breath, relax and reflect, if you feel you might explode. Ideally, you bring up your feelings immediately in the situation, if you feel safe. However, there is nothing wrong with finding the right time to discuss an issue. This can reduce the likelihood of escalation.
3. Reflect, don’t blame. We have the tendency to blame others. If you try hard, you can put yourself in the other’s shoes. What might they have felt in the situation? How would it have felt for them. It’s uncomfortable, but put time and effort into this.
4. Don’t stay if it’s a destructive relationship. Is the conflict reoccurring? Think about whether the conflict is destructive. Sometimes we stay in destructive relationships, but no matter the resolution, it will be short lived without addressing the deeper issues. If you can’t decide if you should divorce or not, read about how to choose between mediation and therapy.
5. Learn about negotiation and how to negotiate. Often, conflict resolution requires people to negotiate to ask what they are looking for.
6. Confront the person in a respectful way. We call this a constructive confrontation, where we prepare to discuss our concerns with someone in a respectful way, focusing on our feelings, not blaming the other.
7. Take leadership in the situation. Become a self-leader in conflict resolution. To be a self-leader, you need to be powerful. Follow our LEADER acronym to address issues effectively to resolve conflicts in your life.
8. Learn about conflict resolution and how to fix a relationship. Listen to our Top 10 songs about conflict to learn about typical types of conflict, and ways that people typically resolve issues.

Labour Arbitration

Labour Arbitration

Introduction to arbitration 

Arbitration is the most common method of resolving disputes in unionized workplaces, and is called for in collective agreements – the negotiated contract between employees (represented by their union) and employers.  

Arbitration vs mediation

Prior to an arbitration process, parties may attempt to resolve their issues via an informal workplace mediation process. Read about the differences between mediation and arbitration.

Arbitration clauses

These agreements almost always contain sections that call for a third party decision maker (arbitrator) to decide the outcome of unresolved disputes between the parties, so that every little disagreement does not end in a strike or a lock-out.  Where such a provision is not in a collective agreement, the law in most, if not all, jurisdictions in Canada mandates that a section requiring arbitration be deemed to be included in the agreement.  For example, in Ontario, if an agreement does not contain such a provision, the law requires that following clause be deemed to be a part of it:

“Where a difference arises between the parties relating to the interpretation, application or administration of this agreement, including any question as to whether a matter is arbitrable, or where an allegation is made that this agreement has been violated, either of the parties may after exhausting any grievance procedure established by this agreement, notify the other party in writing of its desire to submit the difference or allegation to arbitration…”
 (Labour Relations Act, 1995, SO 1995, c 1, Sch A, s.48(2))

Grievances leading to arbitration

Where an individual employee or the union as a whole believes that the employer has violated the collective agreement, a “grievance” may be filed by the union.  The grievance will state what has been done wrong, and what the complainant believes the remedy should be if the grievance succeeds.  

Arbitration process

Where the dispute is not resolved once the employer has considered the grievance, and depending on the specific process laid out in the collective agreement, the issue will go before an arbitrator to resolve.  The arbitration process is similar to court, with one or more adjudicators hearing the case and determining the outcome.  The union and employer may have lawyers representing them.  The arbitrator(s) may be agreed upon by the parties, or may be appointed by the Minister for labour in that jurisdiction.  Evidence will be provided to the arbitrator(s) to consider, and witnesses will often be called.  

Arbitration proceedings

However, the proceedings are much more informal than in court.  An arbitration will often be held in a boardroom or office, and normal court rules are generally more lax.  An arbitrator will most often release his or her decision must faster than a court would.  Furthermore, given that the parties will likely have had a long history of bargaining together or of prior arbitrations, they may agree to certain aspects of the case without conflict so as to speed up the process, and ask the arbitrator to merely focus on one or more of the most contentious issues.

Binding decision

The decision of the arbitrator will be binding.  While the losing party may appeal the decision in court (called “judicial review”), labour arbitrators are given much leeway for their specialized knowledge in the field, and often the outcome of the arbitration will only be overturned if it is outside the scope of what could be considered a reasonable decision.

Conclusion about labour arbitration

Arbitrations in labour law are extremely common, and this method of dispute resolution has taken immense pressure off of the court system.  Most issues can be solved efficiently and cheaply in this way. 

About the blogger: workplace arbitration

Johanna Willows, Labour Law Blogger

Johanna Willows is a lawyer in Winnipeg, representing unions and individual employees. Johanna received her law degree from the University of Ottawa in 2013. She received several awards upon graduation for her work and extracurriculars in labour, employment, and human rights law, and was recently awarded the Manitoba Bar Association Pro Bono award. 

Super Powers - Being powerful and resolving conflict in relationships and organizations

Super Powers - Being powerful and resolving conflict in relationships and organizations

"I feel powerless" 
"I want more power and influence"
"I want to be respected"
"I am powerless" 
"I feel scared of asserting myself" 
"I avoid making eye contact"
"Someone embarrassed me at work, and I did nothing"
"We have a workplace bully"

A blog on power by a mediator and conflict coach

Mediate to Go - Super Powers - Being powerful in relationships and organizations

What does power mean to you? Do you feel comfortable using power? Maybe power makes you uncomfortable. Do you avoid eye contact with people? Do you hesitate when making requests of other people? Do you start some of your sentences with “I know this is a stupid question, but…”? Most people don’t realize this, but we exercise power on a daily basis. This blog is all about power in relationships. In order to be an effective self leader in conflict situations, we recommend the use of empowerment. Read more about power below.

Definition of Power

Power is defined as ”The ability to influence the attainment of goals sought by yourself or others.” (J. Dan Rothwell)

Other definitions of power include” the ability to do or act; great or marked ability to do our act; strength; might; force; legal ability, capacity, or authority; the possession of control or command over others; authority.” (Dictionary.com)

Synonyms for power

The items of power include the following: “capability; skill; dynamism; gift; talent; effectiveness; aptitude; efficacy; qualification; influence; potential; virtue.” (Thesaurus.com)

Antonyms for power

Antonyms of power include powerless, ”incapacity; weakness.” (Dictionary.com) “in aptitude; inefficiency; incompetence; uselessness; surrender; yielding; impairment.” (Thesaurus.com)

Introduction to power

In order to effectively resolve conflict,  and to be a self leader in conflict situations, one must learn how to manage their own power and interact with the power of other people. Power is all around us, and is not something that can be avoided. Even if one feels powerlessness, it is not possible to be completely powerless. 

Given our interdependence in human relationships and groups, everyone has some form of influence. (J. Dan Rothwell) That is a form of power. In fact, in order for people and groups to achieve their goals, they must exercise power. (J. Dan Rothwell)

Forms of power

Hollander and Offerman, (1990) explain that there are three forms of power;  dominance, prevention and empowerment.

Dominance

He who has great power should use it lightly.

Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Dominance is a form of competitive power, where someone’s gain is someone else’s loss. This type of power is most obvious in organizations or governments where are hierarchy is present.  Dominance can be exercised within given situations. Sometimes, dominance is Express verbally through interruptions, Contradicting someone else, berating them and monopolizing or dominating discussions. (J. Dan Rothwell)

Prevention

The only power you have is the word no.

Frances McDormand

Prevention is another form of power, which is also competitive in nature. Prevention Power takes place when someone is attempting to react to the power of dominance. Prevention power is common as a form of resistance. (J. Dan Rothwell) In the context of workplace conflict, if you’ve been a manager and your employees have resisted some form of change, this is known as prevention power. If you’ve been an employee, and someone has asked you to do something that goes against your values or the values of the organization, you may have exerted prevention power in managing this conflict.

Empowerment

The purpose of getting power is to be able to give it away.

Aneurin Bevan

Empowerment is much more positive out of all of these forms of power. Empowerment is all about helping others increase their capabilities and improving the influence of both groups and individuals. (J. Dan Rothwell) empowerment is all about collaboration: everyone in the group is given the tools they need to succeed together as a team. Empowerment is seen as a proactive means of helping oneself and others seek their goals. (J. Dan Rothwell)

Power games

Some people view power as a game. What is the power game? A power game is the interaction of dominance and prevention within different areas of life. As mediators and conflict coaches, we encourage people to seek empowerment, as empowerment is a form of collaborative power. We believe that through working together, people are more likely to have both of their needs and interests met.  This is not to say that we should not seek any form of power. Studies have shown that people using powerful language achieve credibility and are more persuasive than others. (J. Dan Rothwell)

Power in Communication

Passive Communication

Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's.

Deborah Tannen

Passive Communication means “not expressing genuine emotions, views, and values or sharing them with apologies, excessive justifications, and self-critical statements such that other people can discount what you think and feel. Passive communication conveys that your beliefs and emotions do not matter to others. The aim of passive communication is to avoid direct expression.” (U of New Hampshire) Powerless verbal communication is another term for passive communication.

In some ways, passive communication might be easier, as one might avoid taking responsibility for themselves and others. However, there are many problems and not asserting power in communication. Passive communication can create a great deal of resentment over the long term, as one might feel that they have compromised there needs to the benefit of someone else.

Assertive Communication

Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that's real power.

Clint Eastwood

Mediate to Go - Super Powers - Being powerful in relationships and organizations
Also, see our blog on being a Self-Leader in Conflict Situations

Assertive Communication means “Expressing thoughts, feelings and values directly, honestly, and respectfully. Assertive communication clearly conveys someone’s opinions and emotions and perspective. The goal of assertive communication is mutual acknowledgement and respect and compromise when there is disagreement.” (U of New Hampshire) If you are a self-leader and conflict situations, you are an assertive communicator.

There is a great deal of Power in assertive communication. Others some people might have a negative association to the term assertive, assertive communication is collaborative in nature. To be assertive is to be authentic and open about what you need, while respecting the boundaries of others, and wanting the best for them as well.

Aggressive Communication

Power is dangerous unless you have humility.

Richard J. Daley

Aggressive communication means “expressing opinions and emotions directly but dishonestly and/or disrespectfully. Aggressive communication conveys that what the other person wishes, feels and thinks is unimportant enough to be dismissed. The goal of aggressive communication is to win and dominate.” (U of New Hampshire)

Aggressive communication is all about competitive power and the power games. How can I win? What can I do to dominate the other person? How can I take revenge? Another problem with aggressive communication is that a “win” does not lead to positive relationships in the future. While one might feel that they’re powerful on the circumstances, this might backfire.

Conclusion

We have all heard the terms, power game, powerhouse and power up. For some,  especially passive communicators, asserting power is uncomfortable. For others, especially aggressive communicators, asserting power is almost too comfortable, given that it is at the expense of others. As mediators and conflict coaches, we recognize the importance of power in human relationships.

Power is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, groups and their members required power in order to achieve their goals. How can groups achieve their goals and effectively manage conflict? The most appropriate form of power is empowerment, which is based on collaboration. The best way to achieve empowerment is through assertive communication.

Power and powerless quotes

Knowledge is power.

Francis Bacon

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful.

Molly Ivins

Washing one's hands of the conflict between the powerful and the powerless means to side with the powerful, not to be neutral.

Paulo Freire

We mostly feel fearful because we feel powerless. We feel powerless, I contend, because of a style of thinking that splits information in two poles that makes us lose all the operative information we need to solve the problem.

Patricia Sun

People who are powerless make an open theater of violence.

Don DeLillo

References

J. Dan Rothwell, In Mixed Company: Communicating in Small Groups and Teams, Thompson Wadsworth

The article by the U of New Hampshire was “Adapted from Lange & Jakubowsk (1978), as well as handouts from Missouri University of Science and Technology, University of Wisconsin Eau Claire, Massey University, and the University of Kansas.”

Conflict Escalation - Easy steps to manage and resolve your conflicts.

Conflict Escalation - Easy steps to manage and resolve your conflicts.

Mediate to Go: Conflict can escalate easily if we don't address it appropriately.

Blog on Conflict Escalation

This blog is about the conflict process model by Morton Deutsch. His work, also known to some as the conflict escalation model or used as a conflict diagnostic model, can help parties learn more about the conflict escalation process and what one can do to increase the likelihood of effective conflict resolution and conflict management. 

Introduction to Conflict Escalation

In order to effectively manage conflict , one must better understand the dynamics of conflict escalation. Conflict can be a normal and healthy part of any relationship.  Workplace conflict, if managed effectively, can be good for business.  Differences in perceptions can improve problem-solving and increase innovation. Personal conflicts, such as conflict in the family, can help people determine their values and ask for what they need. In order for conflict to be a positive thing, one must manage the process of conflict so that it does not lead to conflict escalation.

What is conflict escalation?

Morton Deutsch, a pivotal leader in the field of conflict resolution, psychology and education described conflict escalation in detail. In his view, conflict at times may become destructive,  ”by a tendency to expand and escalate”. Conflict escalation is a negative process of conflict.

Deutsch stated,

The tendency to escalate conflict results from the conjunction of three interrelated processes:

1.     Competitive processes involved in the attempt to win the conflict;

2.     Processes of misperception and biased perception; and

3.     Processes of commitment arising out of the pressures for cognitive and social consistency. These processes give rise to a mutually reinforcing cycle of relations that generate actions and reactions that intensify the conflict. (direct quote, p. 352)

Limiting conflict escalation?

Other processes may have the effect of limiting conflict escalation. However, if they are weak, conflict may escalate. Other processes that might lead to conflict escalation if they are weak include:

4.     The number and strength of the existing cooperatives bonds;

5.     Cross cutting identifications;

6.     Common allegiances and memberships among the conflicting parties;

7.     The existence of values, institutions, procedures, and groups that are organized to help limit and regulate conflict; and

8.     The salience and significance of the costs of intensifying conflict. (direct quote, p. 352)

Unfortunately, ”Even if [these] are strong, misjudgment and the pressures arising out of tendencies to be rigidly self-consistent may make it difficult to keep a competitive conflict encapsulated.” (p.352) In sum, limiting conflict escalation requires a great deal of effort for mediators, conflict coaches, and parties facing conflict. One basic way of stopping conflict escalation is through ending blame and defensiveness.

Process of Conflict

Destructive process of conflict

Conflict, if not managed effectively, leads to a process of conflict that is destructive. Some destructive conflict is also characteristic in destructive relationships and revenge. Deutsch stated the following characteristics of the processes of conflict when it becomes destructive,

• The initial cause of the conflict is forgotten or becomes irrelevant;
• The issues expand in size and number;
• More people become involved in the conflict;
• The precedents and principles which appear to be bad issue increase;
• Parties are willing to absorb a higher cost;
• Negative attitudes towards the other side are intensified;
• Parties rely more on power, and “upon the tactics of threats, coercion, and deception”. (direct quote, p. 352-3)

Constructive process of conflict

An ideal process of conflict resolution involves the use of ”Persuasion and from the tactics of conciliation, minimization of differences, and enhancement of mutual understanding and goodwill.” (p.352) These there just a few ways to move constructive conflicts from escalation to resolution.

For Deutsch and others in the field of conflict resolution, constructive processes of conflict resolution we’re based on three key features; creative thinking, cooperative problem-solving, benevolent misperception and cooperative commitment. (p. 360-365)

Creative thinking

“[O]ne of the creative functions of conflict resides in its ability to arouse motivation to solve a problem that might otherwise go unattended.” (p. 361) In order to facilitate creative reactions to problems requires that people do not feel in anyway threatened and they are tolerant of ambiguity and open the unknown. (361) 

In order to increase the possibility of a constructive process of conflict resolution, we must create a safe space and help ourselves and others feel motivated to address the conflict. Mediators and conflict coaches must constantly ensure that parties feel safe and comfortable, as a means of improving creative outcomes to a conflict – hence,  a major benefit of using mediation services.

Cooperative problem-solving

“In a cooperative context, the conflict can be viewed as a common problem in which the conflicting parties have the joint interest of reaching a mutually satisfactory solution.” (p. 363-4) Cooperation has many positive impacts that can lead to a more constructive process of conflict resolution. Deutsche found the following:

·      Open communication is facilitated between the parties which increases the exchange of information, helping parties address the real issues of the conflict;

·      Each side is recognized as having legitimate interests and the need to find a solution that addresses these;

·      Trust and friendliness improves, which helps parties be sensitive to their similarities and shared concerns and downplays their differences. (p. 363-4)

Benevolent misperception

“Cooperation tends to minimize differences and enhances the perception of the others' benevolence.” This means, if parties are overall more cooperative, they’re more likely to see the other person as having good intentions. Deutsche also mentioned some shortcomings of this, if parties do not address all of their issues.  However, benevolent misperception can increase the likelihood of cooperative conflict resolution. As a result, we recommend facilitating a cooperative environment, be it in a professional or personal context.

Cooperative commitment

For better in some cases, ”[p]ast investments, already established facilities, procedures and institutions, Obligations to third parties, and situational pressures may operate to bind one to a cooperative relationship.” (p. 364) This means that ”[t]he bonds of a cooperative relationship maybe cemented in loyalty, obligation, conformity, guilt, or convenience as well as in personal attachment and personal gain.” (p. 365)

The question then becomes, does the end justify the means? It seems that more adversarial forms of negotiation (see also negotiation tactics) would tend to use some of these means to encourage the resolution of the conflict. However, if parties are not fully motivated to abide by the resolution, or their feelings of loyalty, attachment, guilt or notions of personal gain change, the resolution might be at risk. As conflict resolution experts, we recommend that parties do their best to address the root of the issues at hand to prevent social conflict escalation and a stalemate.

Conflict management and conflict resolution

Taking self-leadership in conflict situations also means learning about conflict escalation and how to reduce the likelihood of fights going bad - destructive conflict. 

Mediate2go: Don't escalate conflict - be a self-leader

You might ask yourself, what is destructive conflict at home or what is destructive conflict at work, and how can it be resolved?

To effectively manage or resolve a conflict, one must do their best to prevent the conflict from escalating. The conflict escalation process can decrease the likelihood of parties finding a means of collaborating and resolving their shared issues together. In some ways, addressing the stages of a conflict through addressing the conflict escalation process is a way to resolve conflict in itself.

What does this mean for you? You need to know how to manage conflicts at work? How to address the conflict within your family?  Here are some recommendations;

• Create a supportive and safe environment, so that people do not feel threatened;
• Encourage a cooperative environment through the use of activities to build trust and positive relationships;
• Even if you disagree with the other person, recognize that they have legitimate interests and concerns;
• Build relationships with an authentic intent to treat others with respect and dignity. Be open and honest with your needs and concerns, and help them feel comfortable to do the same with you;
• Read about taking self-leadership in conflictsituations, how to fix a relationship, fight fair, active listening and how to build and maintain trust.

Deutsch, M. 1973. Conflicts: Productive and destructive. In Conflict resolution through communication, edited by F. E. Jandt. New York: Harper & Row. 

Some links on conflict escalation:

Wikipedia

Beyond Intractability

U of Oregon

Keywords: Conflict de escalation, de escalating conflict, it escalation process,